dark side

seems like it's too dark..
my world seems darker through my blog..
well, not quite like that :)
maybe it's time to reveal the bright side of my life
on my next post ;)

how did u survive??

when i said we better of apart
when i said i can't stand it anymore
when i said it won't work out between us
when i said i don't have the strength to get through it again

and i didn't change my mind when u asked me to think it over
i didn't change my mind when u seemed to loose your ground
i didn't change my mind when u dissapeared
how did u survive?
moreover still think of me, now, when u're back on your feet

wise man said, "if u dont want to be hurt, dont hurt others"
i know i've put you in a very uncomfortable feeling back then, so i guess now is time to pay my due

something is missing..
one part is fading..
a spot is empty..

tired of living like a blind man

guessing and gambling all through
stop in the middle of the road
can't move although something is coming
trying to run but where to?
no direction can be defined
.....
inevitable crash!!!
something warm is flowing
it hurts
something else is breaking to pieces
it also hurts
hear voices floating but no movement can be done
just laying in the middle of the road
only feel so tired of living like a blind man

farewell picnic

today was great!!
i had a farewell picnic together with my classmates
play ball, food and fun... altogether in the park :)
i know that i'll still see most of my classmates, but it's kind of saying goodbye to some of them... i dont like "good bye's" :(

only in dream

it's never easy to say that you care, but it's even harder to try to stop it
it's never easy to use logic, but it's even harder to follow your heart
it's never easy to start, but it's even more difficult to say goodbye

if turning back the time is worth it, it would probably be the 1st choice
if prevent you from leaving will change everything, it would have been done already

I will say don't go
I will ask you to stay
I will tell how much I care
but I will only do it in my dream
since everything I'll say or do won't change the way things are
and only in dream I will see that my words are good enough to make the change

turning point

it was raining, but then the clear sky appears
it was dark, but then the sun shines brightly
it was cold, but then the warm breeze blows

was out from the loop, but I'm back...
with some bruises, but I'm still here...
for tomorrow is just another day...
only me, myself and I

...
Not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
...
(I shall believe - Sheryl Crow)

i'm breaking down into pieces..
meleleh tak berbentuk..
...

something doesnt feel right...
everything seems to be perfectly okay..
it all went well and i should be completely happy
but happiness in my view needs all element involved to contribute
so perhaps there are some elements that do not participate entirely
but which elements?? so many elements are involved with it... :(
feels like my world has been shaken and turned up side down
in the end, i still dont understand what went wrong... :(

batizado

hari terakhir workshop capoeira n batizado
and it was great!!!

seems like everything i say or do is wrong...
last thing i'd do is to hurt, but i keep on doing it somehow...

macet

9 bulan gue di sini...
belum pernah gue liat ada yg macet..
tapi tadi sore pas gue pulang..
Göteborg MACET!! sampe ke daerah2 gue..
yg notabene jarang mobil lewat..
gile.. gue berasa di Jakarta :p

limited time

this week..
finishing the report...still so much to work on.. :(
training for the batizado this weekend... :(
and that's all..
look easy perhaps..
so, anyone who'll gladly take my position.. let me know.. ;)

D day

sent it...
waiting for tomorrow's feedback...

D-1

small progress is on its way
discussion part is totally blurred
so difficult to find words
feels like I’m writing nonsense...

my day...

yesterday,
it means that i have been spending 2 days infront of the computer, working on my assignment, which i have to submit on monday. so it was D-3 for the deadline...
reading many reports from UN and its organisations...some journal...news....
the progress wasnt that good :( too much information to digest... everything just went into the brain.. and i'm still trying to find a way to get it out of my head.. in proper way, of course...
i was stucked with everything so a break would be just nice...
and the 5th element came on the break ;) old movie that i havent seen
so thanks to someone, finally i watched it :p it was nice of you to invite me, by the way...

today,
4h sleeping seems not enough now..
went out before 10 to play music with a friend
it was nice... it has been a while since i touch a keyboard (he called it synthesizer..-?)
went food shopping afterward and i spent a lot!! shocking... but finally i dont really care ;)
picked some wild flower on my way home (with all those heavy grocery :p)
didn't have the chance to go to the forest yet, but at least i have some wild flower in my room now :)

now,
i'm going to hit the bed for an hour.. then get ready to go to Patricia's B'day occasion
kind of a full and busy day... and i still haven't finish the report :(
D-2 without any progress...

so little time... so much to do...
:(

just feeling extremely tired today...

rain

there's no sun today in Göteborg
just a glimpse of it and then it's gone
cloudy and rainy the whole day
it was tiny shower of rain when i went home today
and i smelled something familiar when walking home
the smell of the soil after the rain :)
i always love that smell...
give you comfort in a way :p

breaking

i broke a wheel of a bike tonight
a bike that actually has been very helpful
drove me home when it's already very late
the worst thing is that.. it's not even my bike :(
i'm really really really sorry...