Almost 2015

Today is his birthday..

Just a simple happy birthday in the morning... It's all that I can say...

Things are not yet normal..

Maybe normal will become luxury from now on...

It's almost 2015

I used to write here about my wishes and expectation for the coming year and I haven't done that for a long time..

I guess all my wishes have been granted so I cannot ask for more... I'm just too ashamed to do it now...

I'll go with the flow, with whatever is given to me...

Trying to be a better person for the coming year and years...

May God help me :-)

Happy new year!

Beethoven 2nd

Nonton beethoven 2nd di tv

Filem tentang keluarga dan anjingnya...

Film lama memang, but I love it...

Some scenes do make me sad though :-)

This is a typical ever after hollywood movie... So....

Anyway...

I miss having dogs around the house...

Someday perhaps... If God permits...

Masih belum "cukup"

Mungkin memang masih belum cukup

Masih harus berusaha lebih baik lagi...

All should be done by God's rules

Never again to disobey...

:-)

Mudah2an semua berakhir baik...suatu saat nanti...

Hardest part

It's when I need to let go of my life

And he is my life ever since he's in my womb

So I fell a part...

He returns though...

I hope he chooses me...

But if situation does not allow that, I pray that he is in good hands.... God's hands..

Amen

Reality bites

This is earth now...

Where all realities exist...

And dreams are 5 cm in front of our forehead...

Reality bites but the dream afloats...

I need to put my feet on the ground

Make sure I'm walking this earth correctly

Putting all my best efforts to get through

And making sure all the bills are paid ;-) for sure...

I think I had always been a people pleaser... Making sure everyone is happy of what I do...

It won't be like that anymore...

Main happiness would be of my son's

The rest is just detail

:-)

...

Memang benar, semua yang di luar kuasa kita harus diserahkan pada Nya...

Be strong... Be safe...

Always...

03.18

Kebangun jam segini...

Yang diinget cuma blog sebelah aja

Nungguin update...

Come un fou :'(

Another galaxy

Perhaps it's where I should go now...

Alone if it's required..

I had written more on my other page, simply because I needed to let it out.. :-)

Anjing

Saya percaya bahwa makian tidak menyelesaikan masalah..

Dan saya percaya bahwa orang yg mudah memaki itu jiwanya masih lemah 

:-)

May God help you...

PS. I personally love dogs..

Learning

I am still learning..

To expect less from people to be away from disappointment

To work harder and let go of the result

To give with all your heart and never check what has returned

To say nothing when I have all the words to tell...

Yes, I'm still in the early chapter.. :-)

Siomay

Salah satu jenis makanan yang bisa menggugah selera...

Apalagi kalau yg dibawain siomay yg terkenal enak :-)

Siomay ini dibelinya di rest area km 98 tol dari arah Bandung.. Satu tempat dengan yang jual roti bakar... Roti bakarnya enak juga lho...

Anyway, ini enak bangeett! Sampai pengin nambah kalau ngga inget angka timbangan :p

Thanks Dim!

Things

When something is not working as it used to, maybe it's a sign

Maybe you need to slow down

Maybe you need to remember your promise

It might be a premonition of bad things...

And it can be any technical issues that we can think of...

No one knows for sure...

All I know is I need to not fight it

It's the universe saying "no" for now...

"No" or "Wait"

Good morning good people :-)

Enjoy your weekend...

Blogger error

Kenapa gagal melulu kalau posting..

Cuma satu blog yg bermasalah atau semuanya kah?

Atau aplikasinya ini yang error?

Hmmm..

Kalau ini berhasil keposting berarti ga semua blog yang kena...

Heaven...

Sampai rumah jam segini, liat baby boy masih tidur siang...

Bisa ikutan tidur siang di sampingnya...

:-)

Simply heaven...

Nothing to loose

I think I have let it all go...

So whatever will be, will be...

Conceal, don't feel... 

:-)

Symptomps

It seems that my feet can no longer support the burden...

And the whole body shakes..

And weak...

But those are not to be seen by people

I know that I've been given the strength, but it seems to slowly evaporate each time I got hammered down...

I hope not

My strength is within...

And this physical symptomps mean nothing...

So help me God..

New job?

I just submitted another application and this one seems to fit my qualifications, meaning that I have quite some experience in the area. It's Jakarta based but from what I read, it'll cover the whole country.. Quite interesting post (for me)

Tomorrow I'll have this interview for one post that is based in KL. I like the idea of having a job there but if I think about my little sonshine, I know that it won't be easy to arrange...

Well, I'm sure that He will give me what I need based on what I am capable of handling at the moment...

He won't give me anything that I cannot manage :-)

It's very close to new year now..

So perhaps it'll also mean new start..

We'll see.... ;-)

The old me

I am still my old me..

Cukup

Seberapa kuat kah kita musti berjuang...

Kalau kita bukan orang yang mudah menyerah, apa indikasinya bahwa kita belum menyerah?

How long you will stay strong?

Sampai Tuhan bilang "cukup"

When God says that all our efforts are considered enough, He will twist the situation...

Kuncinya sabar dan rela...

Sabar menghabiskan porsi dalam piring di hadapan kita..

Sabar untuk tidak meraih makanan lain yang belum matang karena akibatnya bisa keracunan atau sakit

Sabar bahwa semua hal itu ada waktu yang terbaik untuk muncul dan dipetik

Rela menghadapi apapun yang menurut kita tidak adil karena yang tahu itu adil atau bukan hanya Tuhan saja

Rela memaafkan apa-apa yang tidak sesuai dengan mau kita.. Kemauan kita kan belum tentu kehendak Tuhan

Intinya, percaya selalu kalau Tuhan ada bersama kita... And that He will carry us when we are tired...

Just believe...

Don't die

Not just yet...

Bebek madura

Terkantuk sangat saat menyetir pulang..

Sempat berhenti pasang lampu hazard untuk ambil permen karet..

Lagu pengiring "terpaksa" didengarkan via hp, yang beat dan pilihannya bisa diulang... Tentunya supaya tidak tambah ngantuk..

Belum berhasil..

Zig zag dimulai.. Mencolek jiwa pembalap supaya mata tidak terpejam..

Cukup berhasil... Sambil nyanyi keras2 lagunya The Fray...

Sampai dekat rumah mendadak pengin bebek madura ini.. padahal tadi inginnya langsung tidur pas sampai rumah..

Makan dulu lah, toh emang ngga bisa langsung tidur karena tugas utama sudah menanti :-)

Have a good evening!

Pendant

I looovee this new pendant (and necklace)

Its shape is like a military dog tags that I do really like

It's a constant reminder that I am a fighter, not a quitter... But also know when it is time to retrieve...

So... This is still my fight until God says that it's time for me to retrieve...

:-)

Ecorun

Lusa saya mau lari lagi...

Kali ini judulnya EcoRun yang menurut info kita akan mendapatkan medali dan pohon.. *grin*

Padahal pohon hadiah dari AceHardware tahun lalu masih belum ditanam dimana-mana...

Siapa tahu dapat pohon jambu air ya ;-)

Yang buahnya manis dan tidak jadi sarang semut...

Lari saya yang terakhir adalah minggu lalu di runway pesawat di pulau kecil itu.. 

Minggu ini belum sempat latihan lari lagi, tapi semoga kaki masih cukup kuat untuk mengejar yang sudah duluan lari di depan :-)

Happy weekend! 

Energi

Ya Tuhan saya ternyata capai sekali hari ini, padahal tadi seharian jalan ke sana ke mari dan gendong si kecil ngga terasa berat...

Semoga  cape-nya bisa berkurang abis diguyur air hangat...

Rainy days and you

That song sticked on my mind few years back, when I got to know someone who loves jazz and also a drummer :-)

As time goes by, I still remember the song and not particularly the person, who was only stopped by for a moment in my journey.. 

A song that just makes me want to dance in the rain...enjoy the smell of rain...and be grateful..

Lari

Tadi pagi saya diajak ikut lari sore keliling runway oleh pak bos yang in charge di gas field ini.. lupakan bahwa saya ngga bawa sepatu lari, kata Pak M ini ngga apa yg penting pake sepatu *sigh*

Beliau-nya ini ternyata juga ikutan shell race run 2 minggu lalu, tapi yang di Surabaya, jadi nampaknya semangat sekali ngajak lari...

Pheewww... Harga diri ni.. Musti lebih banyak lari daripada jalan kaki :p 

Tapi saya masih bisa beralasan karena lutut kanan memang masih terasa sakit ;-)

Nah tadi siang sepulang dari cek kondisi lapangan dan masih menunggu konfirmasi dokumen spesifikasi..

Saya: "gimana pak?" (Maksudnya bicara ke pak W yang lagi mencari dokumen)

Pak M: "hayo, lari sekarang?"

Saya: "loh bukannya nanti sore?" *ini panas terik dan berdebu pak*

Pak M: "oh iya, nanti sore. Sekarang lari dari kenyataan aja maksudnya.. Kenyataan lagi diaudit" 

Haduuuh bapak ini... Semangat bener...

*siapin decker lutut dan hp utk foto2 di runway*

PS. Hari jumat sore memang salah satu jadwal lari mereka

Connection

When you have limited connection to your significant ones... You're willing to try anything..

That includes leaving the phone ON and  hoping that the wifi connection can somehow reach this room.. Blown by the wind, perhaps... :-)

Misunderstood

I do sometimes do stupid things which I don't realize that it can hurt someone else...

This insensitivity had got me into fights...so many times that I loose count..

This time is different...

Thank you for the laugh and understanding :-)

Good night universe...

Selamat ulang tahun eyang jogja..

Today's supposed to be your birthday..

And you'd be exactly 99 yo

...

....

.....

Happy birthday eyang

May you rest in peace...

Fun run

It turned out to be quite fun..

Kenalan dengan teman dari teman yang entah kenapa langsung bisa klik..

He had injured his ankle but he said it's fine now and the angkle wrap was just fashion...because it looks cool :p that sounds familiar for me...

I did not run the whole route

I ran half distance and then walked the rest of the route

The pain in my knees were getting worse and I was afraid that I might had leg cramps if I pushed too hard on them.. (And I had no one to watch me..)

So I walked to the finish line, got the finisher medal and lantern..

I had it lit with my best friend and we sent them off to the sky..

I forgot to put my wishes on the lantern though, it should be this:

Anyway, we had them flown away by the wind and then met up with my friend and her friend (the new guy)

This morning I woke up to a beautiful tiny face, with my sore legs... It's when I woke up the second time today ;-)

The first was just like a dream...

Happy Sunday!

Hujan

Sore ini hujan, ngga terlalu deras.. Tinggal gerimis yg tersisa..

Sepertinya mulai hujan sejak saya tertidur siang tadi dengan perut yg dijadikan bantal tidur oleh si kecil..

Mimpi saya bikin cape.. Penuh pencarjan kesana kemari yg tidak jelas obyek tujuannya..

Terakhir sebelum bangun saya ditawari liburan bersama keluarga yg dari tadi menemani pencarian (entah siapa mereka) ke karawang (duh ada apaan pula di sana) dan sepertinya saya tolak..

Random...

Mimpi yg masih akan berlanjut tanpa kejelasan kalau saja tidak ada yang bilang "ibu, ini sudah jam 3"

Saatnya bersiap...

Malam nanti saya mau lari 5 km lagi, fun run kali ini.. I hope it's going to be close to the fun that I had last week :-) the fun that I carry in heart...

Too much

I learn from my whole life that having anything too much is not good..

No good to your body nor soul...

Yes, perhaps it was too much

For awhile it seemed to be just enough

But someone has once said that it's like drinking salt water, it will thirst you more..

And it's not good to your body and mind..

Too much salt water will eventually sicken  yourself...

But it's your choice and your call :-)

In 20 years from now

Where will I be?

Will I still be alive?

And what would I be like?

Whom would I be with? Surrounded by love ones or stranded alone?

I'll never know until this date in 2034..

I will see the answer then... 9th of November 2034

May God blesses us all..

Race

Hari ini mau ikutan race, event lari 10 km

Sadar diri sih, jadi cuma ikutan yang 5 km aja...

Udah latihan lari lhooooo..

Tapi kok ya deg-degan masih aja...

Race-nya malam ini jam 7, tapi dari bangun pagi tadi udah berasa

Pengennya cepet2 nanti sore :p

Tapi kalau dipikir2.. Deg2annya dari kemarin malam sih :-)

Free fall

Don't let me fall and hit the ground

I've been there once and it hurts much...

Less painful though from the other fall that I've been into, but still it hurts...

So I've stopped believing in "ever after", Until it proved otherwise...

Alert button

When some things just annoy you too much, I think it's better to leave them

I like what I do now because basically I like doing something useful to others..

I think this is quite useful to the environment and also to our country..

But it becomes annoying when the system they have does not support this good faith and when this so called system only cares about profit in the form of money..

Either I just try to be patient until this system's retired, or I can find another system that can get along with my way of thinking

Perhaps I should just do social works...

*sigh*

*rasanyagatambahpinterdisini*

3.51 km

Running and mostly walking...

I forgot that today is Tuesday, a working day where people do their activities very early...not like Sunday :-)

So I reroute after too many cars and motorcycles went by...

Not bad though, considering I was too lazy at the start :p

Galau pagi

Lari...engga...lari...engga...lari...engga...

Kemana ni semangatnya untuk latian lari?

Jalan kaki aja deh ngga papa...

Hmmm...

Tapi kaki masih sakit semua. :p

Nah kan bikin alasan...

Hufff... 

Password...

Duh... Apa gunanya inget password kalau loginnya lupa :p haha...

Suka lupa kalau rambut mulai putih :D dan memori jadi seadanya...

Buzzing mind

Too busy with my mind that I didn't notice the same uniform in the same café that I sit...

Ah... I thought I have given up being jealous and suspicious

I thought nothing can hurt me anymore when it comes to him

I thought that having been at the lowest will put me on my strongest state

But this small status did distract me...

Ah... I miss my old me...

Ulat matahari

Ini rasanya seperti kena bulu ulat matahari..

Iya, masih di tempat tattoo tadi..

Perih, panas dan gatal bercampur aduk...

Ga berhenti2 rasanya...

Hukum sebab akibat :-)

Maaf ya bu udah ngga nurut....

Apa kata ibu..

Ibu saya dulu pernah bilang:

"Mba, ngapain sih tindik telinga banyak2, ga usah aneh2, jadi orang itu yang sederhana aja ngga perlu ditambah ini itu"

Di lain waktu percakapannya seperti ini:

"Bu, aku bikin tattoo yaaaa" *sambil senyum jahil karena tahu pasti ngga boleh

"Husss.. Kok neko2 tho mba.. Ga usah lah.." (Artinya sama aja ga boleh aneh2)

Saya pernah nekat bikin tindikan tambahan di telinga, ngga berapa lama bekas tindikannya sakit jadi giwang tembaknya saya lepas dan tindikannya nutup lagi...

Tu kan... Ngga nurut sih sama ibu.. :p

Beberapa minggu yang lalu, saya pasang tattoo temporer karena saya pikir toh saya sudah dewasa, bukan niatnya juga untuk aneh2 bergaya2...

Tattoonya sekarang mulai memudar... Menyisakan ruam merah yang sakit dan sangat gatal di sekitarnya

Ga lagi2 deh sepertinya coba2 pasang tatto temporer... Untung bukan permanen, sakitnya kayak apa nanti :D

Lagi2.. Ga nurut sama ibu sih... :-)

My first run

After forever that I can remember :-)

In another galaxy

"We belong to each other", said the Sun to the Moon

"But here we have our purposes, for the good of this world", Moon replied

"Not here, in another galaxy. Where one sun and one moon may embrace each other..", explained Sun

"This galaxy seems to be unreal. But, I will meet you there, somehow..", Moon smiled

Sonshine

When u have kids, they are your world... Your everything...

Or at least for me, my baby boy is my everything..

Not so much of a baby now but he will remain my baby forever :-)

He had fever last night.. Refuse to take in food or water since yesterday.. Luckily, he still obeyed when I said he needed to finish his milk..

2 glasses of milk today and no food, he was so weak.. And so depressed when I told him that we need to see the doctor, just to make sure nothing's serious..

So we went... With him in my arms..

The doctor said that he is fine so most likely the cause is his rotten teeth which cannot be treated yet because of his fever...

I made him listen clearly to the doctor that he needs to eat to get better, and so he did...

He refused to eat perhaps because of the tootache, so it's noodle soup for him tonight..

He ate not so much, just 10 teaspoons of noodle... Took his medicine and he said he wanted to watch dinosaurs in youtube in my bedroom...

So he did...

After 5 minutes, I can hear him roar like a dinosaur... This roar that said he felt  better. My happiest time of the day :-)

Few spoons and he gained his strength back...? Yes.. He is that kind of kid that when he looks weak, it means all of his strength has gone... 

If he has just the tiniest strength, it'll show...

By the way, he just sang and danced on the bed.. ;-)

Thank you Lord..

Unfair

If you think life is unfair to you,

Please look back and see what you have done to life...

I believe in theory that you should not pinch if you don't want to be pinched

So this is not about how I feel...

But how to do things right... How to do life right to make sure that life treats you kind :-)

Surely we'll never know what tomorrow may brings, but hope of better and happier tomorrow is based on what you do today... 

This is me, my poker face and the great wall I built within my heart..

Happiness is within... Just remember that...

Good morning world, let me have my sleep now...

Butterly effect?

I've written about this almost 10 years ago..

Chaos may happen with one flap of the wings...

Just read something that got me thinking

Is it for real that one can give such effect to other one?

And what if the effect is vise versa, in some different levels, of course...

It's like reading fairy tales or novels :-)

I guess perhaps fairy tales and novels are taken from real life too...

Well, to conclude:

Anastasia Steel, I feel you... 

In a mild level, it's almost like having Mr. Grey around :p

Forever

By Chris Brown

Of course I'm still listening to Boyce Avenue's acoustic version...

I'm releasing my heart and it's feeling amazing...

I need my slow dance.... forever....

Waiting

Is not my favourite activity...

*how to save a life - acoustic version by Boyce Avenue*

This is one of my favourite songs by The Fray which Boyce Avenue did a great acoustic version of...

I read that this is actually a sad song of losing someone to death, but I still love it.. Because losing someone not to death is more painfull.. At least for me :-)

Ah, I wish I have a piano...

These fingers are getting stiff...

Bye... For now?

I do agree that saying goodbye is harsh..

I used to say "a tout l'heure", means see you in awhile.. Or "vi ses", means we'll see each other...

But I say "daagh" which literally means goodbye. However in my language, you don't say that to a person whom you are not expecting too see soon.. So basically, you say it to someone close... :-)

Baju

Udah lama ga ribet mikirin "pake baju apa ya?" :-)

Am I ...

Becoming one mistake

For making it so misserable to deal

Am I ...

Too ignorant to see what it may cause

I said what I said, not because it's an escape...

Just that...

That's me... And what my simple heart says...

Platonic

New word.. For me, at least...

One very nice person introduced this term during discussion..

And it said that it is non-physical...

Does the term correctly apply or is there any derivation? 

Our discussion did not actually reach to a conclusion :p

Blog walking

I've been kind of going around my old posts lately.. Someone very nice had done something that somehow trigger me to do it.

Reading all of them reminded me that I have been high and I have been low..

I had my ups and my downs.. Big time..

But somehow I cannot deny that all of those people whom I met, who had become the subject of my writing, who had kept my hand stucks on the keyboard... All of you people... are great persons...

Thank you :-) :-*

And for someone who are still watching me and my blog (although I have not been writing a lot), Thank you... May your life is full of happiness as I have always wanted it would be..

Dry lips

It's a mixture of peace yet worrying

Warm yet troubleing

Just happy somehow...

Thank you :-)

I think

That I miss you...

Storm

When the storm hit you once, you can still try to fight it again

When the storm hit you twice, you still can try to fight it again while knowing the risk of not survive in doing so

But when the storm hit you for the third times, it is only natural to retreat and reroute....