mall

hari ini nonton Harry Potter di PI Mall
keren loh PIM... lantainya makin mengkilat :p
tapi kok gue pusing ngeliatnya ya...
dengan segala kemilaunya.. penuh orang2 lalu lalang bergaya seperti kebanyakan tokoh sinetron..
gile emang sinetron ngerusak jiwa banget..
sedikit tapi pasti... menggerogoti cara berpikir orang2...
dari segitu banyaknya orang di Mall tadi, kira2 berapa persen ya yang mikirin orang yg ga bisa makan.. atau mikirin penebangan hutan liar yg turut memberi kontribusi meluasnya lubang ozon..
bukan berarti semua orang yg ke Mall itu ga punya "rasa" itu loh!!
cuma rasanya kok seperti bersenang2 di atas kepedihan orang ya..
gue aneh ya??? biarin!!! emang gue aneh.. tapi tadi gue benar2 terganggu.. penginnya cepat pergi jauh2 dari situ.. :(

debt

thank you!!!!
for the pool game...
and the nice food from Palembang... (akhirnya makan Pempek juga... :p)

soulmate

eh, btw...
sudah sebulan sejak gue mengira gue menemukan soulmate gue!!!
mengira...??
karena beliau sudah punya gandengan :D
hehehe...
bukan soulmate donk kalau jalannya tidak lancar ;)

X-mas!!

For you who celebrate..

Merry Christmas!!!
Joy, laughter and happiness...
Hope you get a white christmas ;)

usia panik

abis jalan nih ama teman2ku
sibuk membahas "freak out" sebelum nikah
tiba2 ada yg menyebut2 "usia panik" berhubung kita2 masih ada yg jomblo (termasuk gue :p)
tapi...
kok gue ga panik ya!!!! :) aneh ga sih...
dan ternyata... setelah ngobrol dengan salah seorang teman... ternyata gue juga ngga sendirian... :p
kenapa panik sih...??
semua kan menjadi indah pada waktunya...
kalau Yang Di Atas itu Maha Tahu, tentunya lebih tahu kan kapan kita siap untuk suatu babak baru ;) ya ngga???
Jadi buat para jomblo2 di luar sana yg merasa dirinya sudah usia panik....
Ingat, hidup itu cuma sebentar dan sangat rugi kalau cuma dihabiskan utk panik :p hehe...

loosing my inspiration..

up and down

when you're down on earth, things get more complicated
here on earth, two problems can grow into ten
"if you can make it complicated, why make it simple?"
so while you're up there...
where simplicity is still the best option
just take your time and enjoy

Jakarta

belum genap 2 minggu, saya sudah mulai pusiiiingg...
sedih juga liat Jakarta... tapi mau diapain lagi...
nyetir sendiri kok sekarang jadi ga pede gara2 liat lalu lintasnya...
musti berani mati kalau bawa mobil atau motor...
hiksss.... hiksss.... berapa lama ya waktu adaptasinya....

unreachable... doesn't seem to matter at all...
before...
untouchable... doesn't seem to be in the way...
before...
when the unreachable touch the deepest, confusion emerges...
when confusion reach its conscious, even the deepest can't move...

guess I'm just stuck in one moment that I'd never thought I would have...
not in a very short time like this...

busy busy...

free time?? not even in a week...

who to meet beside those at home??
my friends... a must!!
my grandmothers... definitely!!
my cousins... yep!!

and one week won't be enough for everyone...

11 MBps

I miss my connection...
my 11 MBps...
24 hour per day... 7 days a week...
...
yes ladies and gentleman... I'm home... :)

the notebook

one movie...
one scratch heart...

never been so touch by a movie...
it has always been just fairy tale...
guess I just lost the ability to resist...
something that I've never thought I would feel...
or do...
until 15 min ago...

this journey...

Nothing was like this..
Nothing was even close to it..
Guess I have to give it up very soon..
Never thought that loosing would be so difficult
Never thought I'd feel sad for something that I know is temporary
Never thought I'd be too attach..

I pass!!!

Thank you guys for coming!!! I love you all!!! ;)

5 minutes

before presentation...

1 day

and the clock is ticking...

7 days

and the countdown continues...

don't try to fix me, I'm not broken...
(Hello - Evanescence)

abstract... abstract... abstract...

not finish yet...

to let go, does not mean you're loosing
to accept, does not mean you're giving up
to wait in patient, does not mean you stop trying

16 days

and the count down begin...

...didn't make sense not to live for fun
your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb...
(All Star - Smash Mouth)

working hard and having fun should be in an equal relation ;)
and not just the fake fun!! but the real fun...!!!
where you can smile and laugh with your heart...
so one question if you're working hard right now: Are you having fun??
I don't think so... ;) so take a break for awhile... go outside and do something fun!!!
be back in an hour and you'd be smarter than before ;)

there's just...

too much.. that time can not erase
too little.. that mind can ignore

I look but I don't see
I touch but I don't feel
I hear but I don't listen
pointless...

what do you want??

you... to see through my eyes and find what's behind my trouble mind
you... to make me laugh when I don't want to and hold me when I'm angry
you... to like me for my choices and tell me straight when I do something wrong
you... to judge me not for what I do and trust me with all your heart

you...

far behind

when you really work... you know that you're way far behind the schedule...
and when you know you're behind...
you tend to rush everything... tend to be careless...
forgetting small stuff which, most of the time, is important...
so which is better... to know... or not to know... ???
someone said, happy are those who do not know... :)
what d'you think?? ;)

minggu ini?? let's see...

hari ini...

gue masih sakit... menyebalkan... I thought that I will be okay yesterday since I was sick on monday :( Turned out that I had a fever yesterday, which is far from better...

teman gue ada yang sedih karena ditinggal soulmate-nya pulang ke Indonesia (but we are here to take care of you dear.... don't worry..)

senangnya ada yang bilang kangen sama gue... although it's just an E-mail, which came yesterday and got caught in my bulk mail until I rescued it. Miss you too!!

gue sebeeellll.... because I just wasted the whole week by doing absolutely NOTHING for my thesis and I have to come out with a progress report next week...

Tika

today... this time of day in Indonesia... one of my best friends get married...
hope she will remember that this is the end of her adventures ;)
and may you two live happily ever after...
Tika and Ando...
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

p.s. Details please... I'm not there doesn't mean that I shouldn't know about the party ;)

6 years ago

Was it love then?
It sure was a lot like it...

crap(b) day

today..
should've been working..
but instead, we went to the center..
bought some things (luckily, I passed this temptation to buy something :p)..
ate ice cream although it was rather cold, but the ice cream was so good..
and finally.. CRAB time!!
we bought this 3 BIG crabs (actually, she bought it and didn’t let me pay for it :p thanks!!) , cooked it and ate them..
just simple dish, but with the most important thing, CHILLI!! :D hehe...
great dish followed by good exercise... (we went swimming afterwards..)
another wonderful day for me ;)

I could never do what I intended to do before.. working hard without having fun..
It's so totally not possible for me :D

hectic.. panik.. pusing..
abis ketemu supervisor gue.. kok kayaknya gue jalan di tempat ya...
hueee... jadi "sedikit" khawatir... tapi kan ga boleh khawatir... if I'm worried then I don't trust that everything is under His control, so I shouldn't be worried... but I just can't help it.........
well okay, I'm trying not to be worried now.. by reading a journal (hehe...) strange way to ease the worrier :D

... angel ...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
...
(Angel - Sarah Mclachlan)

"She didn't believe in angels until she fell in love with one"
City of Angel - 1998, Pamulang 21 cinema
A remembrance of good times in the old days...

another "today's forecast"

they say that,

"Love can be a surprise, but if you're willing to do the work, it can be a lovely one. If you're attached, now's the time to look at the deeper issues.
If you're single, it's time to examine your attitudes toward love."

Do I have attitudes?? :-o Well, I don't think I have the attitudes (read: bad attitudes) or maybe some of you think I do have :p hemm... yep, probably I do.. sometimes.. How can I say, no one ever touch my heart that deep to deserve the big "L" word to occur ;) But I do believe that when the time is right, then...

Anyway, I just watched this really nice movie on TV. I really like this kind of movie, you know, the one with the main characters struggle to achieved their dreams, and succeed in the end :p some of you might say, "come on... it's just some typical Hollywood movie.."
BUT this one that I saw was (I think) a production from England, and the main character is an Indian girl (read: a girl with India as her native country) that live in England. And... The movie was about soccer game ;) Nice one!! I will just write the title here just to remind me again about this movie someday... It's 'Bend it like Beckham'.
I was just thinking.. What I really want before was just to go abroad and study the subject that I really like. So, you can say that's my dream. And I have it now!!! :D So, I should be very happy... Well, I am happy!! :D
And not only that, I have learnt more about life itself here, different kind of life :)
Now, can I have another dream?? I should say "who can forbide me to have a dream?!" well of course No one but the Creator of the universe. So, I guess I will have another dream... or maybe I've already had one... Just waiting for me to realize its existence and for me to fight for it ;)

...
forgive me God for I had lost my temper this morning
...

BMW gue

tau kan gue belum bisa beli mobil?? :p
nah, tapi gue udah punya setiran mobil BMW dari adik gue.. kecill dan lucuuu dan imuuttt.... oleh2 pas dia kerja di Balikpapan..
tapi sekarang setiran gue ilanggg :(( hiikkksss... baru nyadar malam ini... sebel deh!!!! so careless of me :(

old friend

Wise man say, only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you
...
(Can't help falling in love - Elvis Presley)

Got your e-mail tonight
Glad to hear you got a job
Never thought I'd say (or feel) this
But I guess I miss you...
Good luck for you there!!!

the butterfly effect

It has been said that something as small as the flutter of butterfly's wing
can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world
(Chaos Theory, The Butterfly Effect Epilog)

I'm supposed to be working on my data now... BUT.. at lunch time.. since I'm home working with it, I ate lunch while watching movie ;) this Butterly Effect movie.. I know.. I know... it's an old movie :p but STILL I like Ashton Kutcher and I haven't had time to watch it before ;)
And now... I am totally distracted from my data.. :((
Anyway... I knew already that whatever I say or do at this moment will affect my tomorrow (or next minute), but this movie kind of showed me extreme examples of the effects and remind me that those things can happen sometimes...

A friend talked to me last night.. he said something that made me said "Did I do anything to cause that??" He answered me with "NO!!!". So either you didn't do anything or you did something, it will lead to one thing... the unexpected... ;)

Now... I need to get back to work... just realising one important thing here.. If I don't start working hard, how the hell am I going to be able to go home as "expected".... ;)

akhirnya...

selesai sudah waktu gue untuk bersenang-senang (baca: kerja part time membanting tulang buat bayar bill akibat keborosan gue :D ), sekarang saatnya untuk kembali berkonsentrasi ke tujuan utama gue ke sini... belajar biar pinteeerrr... hehe.. (baca: pinter cari duit.. hehe)
gimana gue mau pulang cepet kalau thesisnya masih jalan di tempat kayak gini :(( hikksss....

setaon yg lalu... kata Twinny... gue ketemu dia di sudirman ekspress bawa2 blue print PIM2 :p bukan blue print seh... cuma rancangan sistem parkir dan manajemen lalu lintas di dalam PIM dan sekitarnya. Dan gue denger kalau PIM2 udah jadi ya?? terus kata teman gue di kantor... rancangan gue dipake :p ckkk..ckk... sebelumnya gue minta maaf kalau ternyata manajemen lalu lintas yang gue rekomendasikan tidak sesuai dengan harapan para pembaca... :D hehe... atau mungkin nanti pas gue pulang dan jalan ke PIM gue bakal ngomel2 sendiri menjalani hasil rancangan gue... ;)

hari ini gue bisa santai2 di rumah.. just me and my shadow ;) tapi heran!!! giliran gue di rumah dan online sepanjang masa.. kok orang2 ga pada online seeehhhhh... :(( sedihnya diriku...

My forecaster said this:

You can't justify all your actions, especially if the results speak so eloquently for themselves.
If you committed an error, admit it without any fuss and dissembling, and it'll be over before you know it.

Why do I put it here?? Because the last phrase is mine... I mean, not that it is patent by my name, but... I use it quite many times ;)

It'll be over before you know it...

one hectic week had passed...
but here comes another hectic week... :(

udah setaon

tadi siang gue kebagian tugas jemput salah satu mahasiswa baru yg bakalan kuliah di Chalmers juga... (yg notabene ternyata teman gue dari E'97, ketua IME pada masanya :p) terus bareng teman2 gue yg di sini, kita muter2... liat jenis2 apartemen yg dihuni mahasiswa indo di sini and jalan2 ke kota sebentar. cape juga ya ternyata... soalnya kita jalan kaki :D hehe..

jadi ingat pas pertama kali gue sampai di kota ini... suasana yg beda banget...
jadi ingat pinjem hpnya Chris utk sms seseorang (krn hp gue ga cocok sama kartu sini)...
jadi ingat tiap hari punya jadwal jam tertentu buat gantian sama Chris untuk online di YM, just to be able to talk to someone...
jadi ingat senangnya waktu gue tau kalau ada yg mikirin gue... :p
jadi ingat hari2 setelah itu....

hemm.....
ga kerasa gue udah setaun di negeri orang...
some things change... and some do not...
but I guess I change.. for better or worse, that is still the question... ;)

...
Que corazón que no ve
Es corazón que no siente
O corazón que te miente amor
...

(Corazón Partio - Alejandro Sanz)

MERDEKA!!!!!!

17 Agustus tahun empat lima
itu lah hari kemerdekaan kita
hari merdeka, nusa dan bangsa
hari lahirnya bangsa Indonesia
MERDEKA!!
s'kali merdeka tetap merdeka
selama hayat masih dikandung badan
kita tetap sedia, tetap setia
mempertahankan Indonesia
kita tetap sedia, tetap setia
membela negara kita...!!!

(17 Agustus)

ps: correct me if I'm wrong with the lyrics

if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad...
if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad???

(If it makes you happy - Sheryl Crow)

here comes my chaotic and hectic week... :(
hope I can manage everything properly...

ps: For you out there, thanks for the poetry.. It's really nice :) Just a question, is that what you really feel??

pahit

kadang hidup itu pahit... saat kita tahu yang nyata bukanlah yang tampak
kadang hidup itu getir... saat kita tahu yang terasa bukan yang terpancar
kadang hidup itu menakutkan... saat kita hanya bergantung pada seutas benang tipis bernama cinta
kadang hidup itu membingungkan... saat semua hal sudah pada tempatnya, kecuali kita sendiri
kadang hidup itu mencemaskan... saat kita sadar pilihan salah yang telah diambil

tapi hidup terasa membosankan... tanpa ada malunya keliru, sakitnya tertusuk, dan pilunya salah sangka
hidup terasa hambar... tanpa pernah merasakan jantung berhenti berdetak untuk sesaat, satu saat yang terindah dimana dunia ikut berhenti berputar
hidup terasa sepi... tanpa pernah jatuh, terluka dan bangkit lagi
hidup terasa dingin... tanpa rasa sayang, sayang yang kadang tidak disadari telah ada dan menghangatkan hidup, sayang yang tidak mengharap balasan, sayang yang tidak memilih target kasihnya, sayang yang hanya terasa hangat bila satu hati telah terbuka

hal tersulit untuk seorang manusia kecil adalah membuka hati
untuk melihat dengan mata hatinya
untuk mendengar apa yang hanya bisa dirasa
untuk menyentuh yang tak nampak
untuk tahu apa yang tersembunyi
dengan kasih...

Met you once over my lifetime, but I can see that you won't give up on me
I can only say I won't give up on you, not now... not ever...

B'day related pics

31 malem, jalan, makan di kebab, tapi bayar sendiri2 :p hehehe.... gue angkat tangan deh, di sini ga sanggup nraktir orang2 :)


5 hari kemudian, ada rapat mendadak buat ngomongin anak2 indo yang mau datang tahun ajaran baru ini... and... I got a surprise B'day cake :p hehehe... nyam nyam...

MAKASIH ya semuaaaaa!!! ;)

"Linger"

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everythingI swore,
I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger,
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?...

(The Cranberries)

soundtrack

eh.. lagunya bukan soundtrack hidup gue loh!! :p
cuma lagi eksperimen pasang lagu ;)
nice music, isn't it??

21 years ago...

Makasih untuk semuanya, yang udah dari kemarin kirim sms atau telp atau kirim email ;) Muchas Gracias!!!
I have my favourite weather on the sky today... ;)

This is the heart that was unconsciously given up
It was already too late to care for it now
Realising how it will be torn to pieces with one single sentence
Nothing else to do but to pick up what is left of those pieces
And start over...

rainy day

Today is cloudy in Göteborg, and when I went back home from my Capoeira workshop, it started to rain
Only mild rain, not that hard. The kind of rain that I like, but also the kind of rain that can make you sick when it hits you :) ~got a bit of headache from it~
Anyway, I really like it... My mother tongue will say "gerimis" for this kind of rain ;) Whatever it called, I just love it :) Not just the rain, but the situation it created.
Best thing to do is, for me at least, to take one book and a cup of tea, open the window (or door if you have a balcony), sit somewhere comfortable to read and put the tea on some place within your range and then... ENJOY!!!

ps: you can change the tea with hot chocolate also ;)

kurang kerjaan

and the result is:

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

hehehe... jangan dipercaya ya!! Just don't believe everything you read ;)
Ini gara2 gue baca blog-nya Rani, terus jadi iseng deh...
Karena hari ini gue meliburkan diri... enak juga sekali2 di rumah dan ngga ngapa2in ;)

Even Angels Fall

...
Its a secret no one tells
One day its heaven, One day its hell

It's no fairytale, Take it from me
That's the way its supposed to be

You will fly and You will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you Must stay on
God knows even angels fall

(Even Angels Fall - Jessica Riddle)

...
I don't think you trust
In my self righteous suicide
I cry, when angels deserve to die

(Chop Suey -System of a Down)

Inginku,

bukan hanya jadi temanmu atau sekedar sahabatmu yang rajin dengar ceritamu

tak perlu hanya kau lihat ketulusan yang sebenarnya tak kusangka kadang ku hilang kesabaran

*mungkinkah akan segera mengerti seiring jalannya hari sungguh ku tergila padamu…

yang ada bila tak juga kau sadari akan kutempuh banyak cara agar engkau yakin semua, mauku…

patiennement je t’attendais.. mais tu ne comprends rien… je t’aime dedans… de temps en temps

biarkan aku untuk jadi kekasihmu karna tak percaya ungkapan cinta tak harus memiliki

terlambat bila aku harus berubah kala mengingini semua yang ada di dalam dirimu...

dan berulang kumencoba… tuk merebut hati dan cintamu sadarkah dirimu sering kau kesalkan aku… bila masih saja kau menyebut namanya

(Inginku - Yovie)

Makasih ya Jeng buat kiriman lagunya ;)

bright light

...
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I’m up against out in this world
Yeah well, maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something that’s enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
Well, turn yourself around and come on home
...

(Bright Light - Matchbox Twenty)

Half-Blood Prince

Hehe.. udah beli Harry Potter!!
katanya di Jakarta sampe antri ya?? Untung di sini ngga antri.. Stoknya buaanyaaakkk banget!
Anyway, sekarang gue tinggal mencari waktu buat baca :p karena kalau gue udah mulai bakal susah berenti :(

surprise

I had my surprise B'day present from my Mestre yesterday...
Didn't expect anything like that..
I had to play with everyone inside the circle at the end of the training
It was hard because the training was hard and I was already tired..
And the result is that today I have pain on my legs :(
But it was really nice... ;) They even sang a B'day song (in swedish, of course) with capoeira music while I played :p so nice... :)

And today, I received a package from home
Inside, I found an engagement ring :p hehehe... not really an engagement ring, but it sure looks like one :) At least that's what my friends told me.
My brother chose that ring for me in his attempt to fulfill my mother request
I wonder if they bought 2 rings and gave the other one to my "fiancé" :p hehehe....
Yeah, only in my dream (or theirs) they'll be able to do that :p



Strange thing is that it fits on my ring finger... FYI, I have tiny fingers, so it's not that easy to find a ring that fits ;)














[pic: Ayumi, my fingers and the Ring :p]
bukan iklan bank mega loh.. :p

ikan bakar...

hari ini gue makan MIE AYAM!!!!
senangnya...!!!!
biarpun gue masih pengin siomay, pempek (Alex, I hold you responsible for this!!), gudeg, pecel lele, masakan padang depan kompleks gue (hiksss... pathetic banget...), de el el, tapi gue dapat perfect ending untuk hari ini.... IKan BAkar pake kecap pedes :D nyam nyam...
gue ngomongin makanan mulu yaaaa... :p maap...
but today was one of the best days for food theme ;)
makasih ya kak Ida!!!

you again!!!

it doesn't seem like I know you now
something changed...
I've tried to understand what it is
but I got lost...
what is appeared may not be what is inside
then tell me what's inside...
because all I see is nothing
and nothing is something that I don't want to be holding on to...

I still see it... your fainted smile... the shattered blood...
The frailness when you stand...
You have been worse... yet it's not the same...
Only flickering light in your eyes... when before they're always filled with it...
But somehow I know you'd be fine in the end...
With the same strength that kept you rigid right now...
Slowly but sure... you will emerge...

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've been there before
Something is changing inside you
And don't you know

Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had

~Don't Cry - Guns n Roses~

I see cloud in your eyes
Aching heart upon your shadow
Weakness that you've tried to hide
Trying to be strong all the time
While inside you know you're so vulnerable
Proved by many cracks and wounds, visible only to my eyes
So why did you do it?? Falling again??
When you know you'll be breaking to pieces once again
Why aren't you careful...
You said that you won't feel alive until you feel your blood shatters
How many times should it be shattered for you to feel alive?
...
Hope next time when I see you smile, it will be without the taste of your blood

17 hari lagi

fuiihh... hari ketiga ambil data, berarti cuma tinggal 17 hari lagi nih!! (read: optimistic :p) exclude weekend loh!!
sejauh ini masih aman, belum diganggu preman di jalan :p hehehe.. di sini mana ada preman, yg ada gue dikira preman kali... :p ga deng!!! soalnya lokasi studi gue di pusat kota, jadi jarang ada preman... biarpun di sini negaranya relatif aman, tapi kalau agak ke pinggir2 dikit dari pusat kota tetap aja harus hati2.

hari ini ada sms dari nyokap gue, katanya gue dapat panggilan kerja!! hueee... mana gue inget pernah ngirim lamaran ke situ, udah jaman kapan tau... :p kenapa ga dulu2 pas gue lagi nganggur and di rumah ya dapat panggilan itu ;)

But life doesn't turn out the way you want it to be... it turns out to be BETTER!!!

*lagi puter iTunes, ternyata lagunya Peter Pan "mungkin nanti" yg berbunyi.. hemmm.. jadi inget... ;) *

hari pertama...

ngambil data buat thesis gue
ngga 24-7 sihh... tapi 3 kali sehari, each time for 2 hours, pagi-siang-sore
bengong di pinggir jalan :p mau balik kampus waktunya nanggung, akhirnya gue stuck di stasiun pemantau data polusi punyanya local EPA di sini. Di dalam ruang itu ada alat yg bunyinya berisik banget... di ruangan yg ukurannya cuma 3x3 itu... bikin telinga gue 'nging'... wah, jangan2 gue ntar berkurang pendengaran nih! :p jangan sampe deh..
mirip2 jaman gue kerja dulu pas survey di konsultan transportasi, bedanya sekarang gue ngga ngitungin mobil dan gue ga dibayar :D hehe..
mana hari ini cuaca mendung dan berangin banget.. FYI, di sini anginnya dingin bo!! tapi biarpun mendung ternyata mataharinya ganas juga, tangan gue jadi belang gini... gawat bener yaa..
terus habis itu pulang sampe rumah malem karena jadwal wajib setor muka dulu, dan sekarang gue cape banget...

YA AMPUN... complain mulu sih gue!!! tolong deh.. mau cepat kelar ngga kuliahnya?? :p ayo semangat!! ;)

you!!

I had a dream about you again
two days in a row... konstigt!!
where are you??!!
I guess it's fading away...

midsummer day

just came back from celebrating midsummer day
typical swedish celebration, they raise the midsummer pole and dance around it in a circle ;)
we also had dinner at Jenny's place with typical swedish food :) yummy...
and then took a walk to Hörsicka (one of the lakes that we had to observe during first quarter of my programme in school), dipped my legs in the cold water (really nice!!) and observed the ducks :p
today was really nice... and with a really good weather... never imagine that I can get so much sun here in Sweden :p

some pics from today's activities:













[see the crowd on the right??]
pic: Jenny, me and Alex

















[midsummer pole]
















[enjoying the sun]















[dipping feet in the lake]















[ducks]

sedang malas sekali mengisi blog...
hari ini mau renang tapi ngga jadi gara2 miskom :((

tolong yaa

bodoh banget gue...
selama ini gue berpikir setting-an di blogger berubah dan gue kehilangan shortcut untuk mewarnai tulisan gue :p ternyata... akhir2 ini gue pake edit HTML. ckk...ckk.. terang aja shortcut-nya pada ilang semua. sok jago sih gue :p ngerti HTML juga ngga :) hehe..

jadi sekarang gue bisa lagi pake warna warni dan pilih font besar atau kecil :p senangnya....

kemarin gue pindahan.. pindah ke student house dekat kampus :) tinggal jalan kaki 5 menit
berakibat buruk pada jadwal bangun pagi gue :p karena dekat kampus jadi tadi pagi gue cuma matiin weker dan baru bangun lagi jam 9 :D hehe...

between thesis and moving out

moving out.. on thursday this week.. moving out completely from my old room in this nice house to my new room in a student house near the school.. but I already moved some of my stuff today, and it was terrible.. I just realize something, I have too many things :( Even the bus driver laugh at us (I was with Chris, my room-mate), because we're the only passenger in his bus that had taken it twice already this early morning, went back and forth with huge bags in our hands :p I think I broke quite a lot of my muscles today... :p

thesis.. need to plan my measuring strategy, a.s.a.p., meaning I should finish it tonight :( gimana cara yaa??!! :-/ kebanyakan acara sih gue... manajemen waktu yang buruk... dan tenaga yang cuma sisa-sisa :p ayo semangat!! ;)

another busy day

back from stockholm last night!
got home at 01h00 on foot, checked email, went to sleep
went to school early morning today, had a meeting with my thesis supervisor, did some arrangement of student place at the intenational office, went to water my aunt's flower at her apartment, felt sleepy all day
got back home again at 18.00, slept until 10.24 (when Pipit called :p *thanks Pit!!*)
had just two sandwiches for dinner... [already too late to cook :p]
now, i need to read instruments manual for tomorrow :(
yep... i'm starting my thesis (should've started today if i wasn't too sleepy :p)
wish me luck!! ;)

weather report

Göteborg: cloudy all day.. no sun.. small rain..
so this is what they called SUMMER!! :p
hope it won't stay like this all summer...

next destination: Stockholm
departure time: 050605, 08h00
occasion: last STINT trip
duration: 4 days
estimation of arrival back in Gtb: 090605, 00h30

*hoping for a clear blue sky*

kenapa dipilih tanggal segitu untuk acara jalan2 bareng STINT? karena tanggal 6 juni itu hari nasional-nya Swedia jadi mungkin di Stockholm nanti ada yg spesial.
Gue sempat mikir... hari nasional?? ooo... hari kemerdekaan kali ya... EH!! tapi Swedia ga pernah dijajah kan... :p berarti bukan donk.. jadi denger2, hari itu adalah hari bendera :) entah kenapa, gue juga ngga tau...

too much on my mind

like this one...

if you sad and think that the world has turned its back on you
wait and see.. maybe you have turned your back to the world. what have you give to the world that you can expect it to give something to you in return?

if you think that you are the most miserable person in the world
wait and see.. do you still have roof over your head, bed to sleep? then you're not! especially if you still have time to check up the internet ;)

if you think that everything never goes as your plan
wait and see.. don't you think it might be best to have it unplanned? it wont be a life without the element of 'the unknown' event and what may come your way, if I may say so :) the fun part is how to deal with that element... will you succeed on dealing with it? or just giving up without a fight? never ever give up without a fight. if you think you deserve it, fight for one!

if you think that no one cares
wait and see.. do you still have your family, friends, relatives, or even stranger in the bus that talks to you? do you still find someone who said "hi" and smile to you? or probably you dont allow people to care for you. ever think of that? just close yourself to everyone who tries to care? think about it before thinking that no one cares

if you think that you are alone
wait and see.. have you tried to look up at the sky, pay more attention to the world around? living forms are everywhere... so you're definitely not alone :)

if you think that happines and love come to you by itself
wait and see.. have you open your heart for them to come? they wont exist if you wont let them and take good care of them. and you ask how to open your heart? try to accept who you are and what you are and everything that comes your way. don't deny your bad day and take pity on yourself. there's always brighter side on those dark and grey situation. remember to SmiLe, not only fake smile on the face but smile from the heart. not that easy, but practise makes perfect ;)

i talk too much?? perhaps i do..
dont agree with me?? be my guest..
have other thoughts?? why not.. i may talk too much, complain too much, blubber too much, but i dont tell people to shut up (well, only for certain people who gets my special attention :p)
but for this kind of posting.. lets continue some other time ;)
jag behöver att sova nu :)

lovely day.. busy day..

wonderful weather... didnt need my jacket today! ;)

woke up, had breakfast, left the house..
had a meeting with my supervisor for the thesis (yipee!! I have a thesis :p)
went to some places to check for possible measurement location (most polluted one, of course)
met some friends for lunch (ada yg traktir!! ;) thanks a lot yaa!!)
visited another friend together (wrecked her place :p)
went to library and kemi building
played pool (i lost... should've played more :p)
went to my swedish course (fika!! last day of the course and we had cakes :p)
went home... tried not to eat anything since i ate A LOT today... but it didnt work :p hehe...
and now... i need some sleep :)

dark side

seems like it's too dark..
my world seems darker through my blog..
well, not quite like that :)
maybe it's time to reveal the bright side of my life
on my next post ;)

how did u survive??

when i said we better of apart
when i said i can't stand it anymore
when i said it won't work out between us
when i said i don't have the strength to get through it again

and i didn't change my mind when u asked me to think it over
i didn't change my mind when u seemed to loose your ground
i didn't change my mind when u dissapeared
how did u survive?
moreover still think of me, now, when u're back on your feet

wise man said, "if u dont want to be hurt, dont hurt others"
i know i've put you in a very uncomfortable feeling back then, so i guess now is time to pay my due

something is missing..
one part is fading..
a spot is empty..

tired of living like a blind man

guessing and gambling all through
stop in the middle of the road
can't move although something is coming
trying to run but where to?
no direction can be defined
.....
inevitable crash!!!
something warm is flowing
it hurts
something else is breaking to pieces
it also hurts
hear voices floating but no movement can be done
just laying in the middle of the road
only feel so tired of living like a blind man

farewell picnic

today was great!!
i had a farewell picnic together with my classmates
play ball, food and fun... altogether in the park :)
i know that i'll still see most of my classmates, but it's kind of saying goodbye to some of them... i dont like "good bye's" :(

only in dream

it's never easy to say that you care, but it's even harder to try to stop it
it's never easy to use logic, but it's even harder to follow your heart
it's never easy to start, but it's even more difficult to say goodbye

if turning back the time is worth it, it would probably be the 1st choice
if prevent you from leaving will change everything, it would have been done already

I will say don't go
I will ask you to stay
I will tell how much I care
but I will only do it in my dream
since everything I'll say or do won't change the way things are
and only in dream I will see that my words are good enough to make the change

turning point

it was raining, but then the clear sky appears
it was dark, but then the sun shines brightly
it was cold, but then the warm breeze blows

was out from the loop, but I'm back...
with some bruises, but I'm still here...
for tomorrow is just another day...
only me, myself and I

...
Not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
...
(I shall believe - Sheryl Crow)

i'm breaking down into pieces..
meleleh tak berbentuk..
...

something doesnt feel right...
everything seems to be perfectly okay..
it all went well and i should be completely happy
but happiness in my view needs all element involved to contribute
so perhaps there are some elements that do not participate entirely
but which elements?? so many elements are involved with it... :(
feels like my world has been shaken and turned up side down
in the end, i still dont understand what went wrong... :(

batizado

hari terakhir workshop capoeira n batizado
and it was great!!!

seems like everything i say or do is wrong...
last thing i'd do is to hurt, but i keep on doing it somehow...

macet

9 bulan gue di sini...
belum pernah gue liat ada yg macet..
tapi tadi sore pas gue pulang..
Göteborg MACET!! sampe ke daerah2 gue..
yg notabene jarang mobil lewat..
gile.. gue berasa di Jakarta :p

limited time

this week..
finishing the report...still so much to work on.. :(
training for the batizado this weekend... :(
and that's all..
look easy perhaps..
so, anyone who'll gladly take my position.. let me know.. ;)

D day

sent it...
waiting for tomorrow's feedback...

D-1

small progress is on its way
discussion part is totally blurred
so difficult to find words
feels like I’m writing nonsense...

my day...

yesterday,
it means that i have been spending 2 days infront of the computer, working on my assignment, which i have to submit on monday. so it was D-3 for the deadline...
reading many reports from UN and its organisations...some journal...news....
the progress wasnt that good :( too much information to digest... everything just went into the brain.. and i'm still trying to find a way to get it out of my head.. in proper way, of course...
i was stucked with everything so a break would be just nice...
and the 5th element came on the break ;) old movie that i havent seen
so thanks to someone, finally i watched it :p it was nice of you to invite me, by the way...

today,
4h sleeping seems not enough now..
went out before 10 to play music with a friend
it was nice... it has been a while since i touch a keyboard (he called it synthesizer..-?)
went food shopping afterward and i spent a lot!! shocking... but finally i dont really care ;)
picked some wild flower on my way home (with all those heavy grocery :p)
didn't have the chance to go to the forest yet, but at least i have some wild flower in my room now :)

now,
i'm going to hit the bed for an hour.. then get ready to go to Patricia's B'day occasion
kind of a full and busy day... and i still haven't finish the report :(
D-2 without any progress...

so little time... so much to do...
:(

just feeling extremely tired today...

rain

there's no sun today in Göteborg
just a glimpse of it and then it's gone
cloudy and rainy the whole day
it was tiny shower of rain when i went home today
and i smelled something familiar when walking home
the smell of the soil after the rain :)
i always love that smell...
give you comfort in a way :p

breaking

i broke a wheel of a bike tonight
a bike that actually has been very helpful
drove me home when it's already very late
the worst thing is that.. it's not even my bike :(
i'm really really really sorry...

advice

yesterday a voice told me,
"damage brain has been done, no one can save you"
another voice said,
"remember the ground, never forget it"
then this voice said,
"dont forget your reason for being there"
last voice said,
"you'll get through this with the right decision"

we'll see ...

besok

gue ada exam dari jam 9 - 12
setelah itu groupwork dan feedback sampe sore
and hari pun berlalu dengan cepat...

spring

leaves are coming out of tree branches
not long, there will be green everywhere
at least that's what i hope for
the owner of the house that i lived in tell me that the wild flower are coming out in the forest
the forest is very near, just behind the house
i should go there..
but it doesnt seem that i have the time.. nor the company.. yet..

my wind breeze

my door was always closed
i dont like to let people in
until one day, a knock on the door
who's that? no one there..
just a breeze of wind that go in
i let it in, it's just a wind, so what?
it's harmless, and yet it give a comfort feeling
i like it...
my room starts to get more cozy with the wind
slowly the wind breeze occupy all the room
it's nice to have it around
until one time..
when it starts to circle around me
turn my heart warmer and weaker
doesnt seem to expect me of giving the same
just circle around me, me who's not able to break it
is that why it stays there?? because i dont dare to break it??
dont dare to open the windows and let it loose??
dont have the guts to break the circle??
afraid to loose the coziness it creates??
or am I just someone who know nothing about dealing with wind...

somehow..

confusion state of mind
which one to choose and which one to loose
which one will be the right one and which one will turn out to be just another mistake
i see no black and white, only shadow and mist
i see a total mesh infront of me and i have no idea how to avoid it
sooner or later i will drawn in it
and a simple heart will turn into something more complicated

what!!!

"hello.."
"hi, it's me"
"hi!! it's a good thing u call me. i want to tell u something"
"what is it?"
"About my sickness.. actually it's SLE.."
"WHAT??!!!!"
"I'm sorry I didnt tell you from the first time I knew"
"....."

(be brave and i'll keep praying for you...)

another floating voices

what's wrong with blogger?? kenapa style yg bagus2 jadi ilang semua gini sih!! ga seru..!!
anyway, interesting conversations keep on going around you.. floating on your mind from past, present and probably you have something from the future :p

"hey, i like your smile.. u should have it more often rather than the tongue :p "
"really?? thanks!! :) "

"she has everything. i dont understand why she keeps getting involve with a bastard guy"

"do all french guys have a beard ??" [non-france person]
"why? i think they are quite lazy all, so that s why we used to have a small beard" [france person]

"hey, i dont think i saw u go into the 'circle' tonight" (read: capoeira)
"yep, i'm so dissapoint with that.. i hurt my ankle while playing with my dog so i couldnt train for at least 1 year"
"oh no!!"
"yep.. it's bad.. i love it so much i just wanted to jump inside and play, but then i'll probably hurt my ankle for good and i wouldnt be able to play again forever"
"..."

jadwal padat

sibuk sibuk sibuk...
harusnya... mestinya... gue sibuk..
bikin paper... bikin laporan kelompok... belajar buat exam... (ngomong2 exam gue seminggu lagi nih!)
tapi kok gue masih sempat melihat indahnya dunia ya?? :p
masih sempat merasakan love vibration all around :)
bagus donk.. berarti dunia ngga kejam2 amat...
atau mungkin itu cuma di sekitar gue aja??
kalo iya berarti gue mesti bersyukur banget!! ;)

this is just something in my mind.. today...
have u ever noticed that if someone really care about you, you can feel it? just by standing right beside him (or her).. or exchange glances.. without doing nothing but silence..
sometimes i think it's really nice to know... and most of the times it's so scary because u can even feel how much it is. it's just like electric current running straight to your heart.
how would u feel, if u know someone care deeply for u and u can return it as much as that person does?? totally awful.. been there, done that... nice feeling to know that someone cares, but at the same time, it hurts to know you can't care as much as he (or she) does
(untuk seseorang, thanks for being one of my bestfriend, hope u're so well out there)

last night...

last night,
was one of the nicest moments I had with my friends
last night,
i found out that someone who looks though outside, may be very vulnerable inside
last night,
someone said she saw a beginning of a relationship
last night,
someone said, he hates girls!! but then he still couldn't live without one :p
last night,
my angel walk me home ;)

and today,
time to go back to reality...
deadline of everything!! :(

floating voices

kadang percakapan cuma sekedar obrolan, tapi kalau dilihat lagi, bisa jadi ada makna tersembunyi.. if u just let your heart to listen..

"why are u always criticise me? who are u anyway?"
"ok, i will stop doing that"
"no, you wont... you wont be able to do that"

"gilaaa... quarter ini gw full!!! i'm under pressure now"
"santai.. hidup jangan dibikin susah..."

"gue ngga nyangka loe bisa masak kayak ginian (cheesecake-red)"
"emang loe pikir gue ga bisa masak?"
"yep..."

"u know, i have a crisis, so i couldnt work well"
"everyone has a crisis, so ..."

"why you are at home?!"
"im too lazy to go out"
"ok...clear...but unexpected..."
"what did u expect??"
"that you are not that lazy..."

"why you're not in bed yet??"
"what about u?? u're not in bed either"
"what a bad manner to answer by question..."

cuaca hari ini...

mendung di göteborg
gerimis pula malam ini
deadline draft report hari ini
gue dijatuhkan juga malam ini (it's simple actually, i kicked, he lift, and i was down :p)
beberapa alasan yg bisa bikin bete...
tapi hari ini gue senang.. really really in a happy mood..
ga jelas juga sih alasannya :p
just happy for no reason.. i think it's ok ;) dont u think??

sometimes it feels so hard to grow up
like Peter Pan who never wants to grow up
but he has Neverland, what do I have??

baru

new months [april already?? :p]
new hair cut [i like this one so much... :p]
new sun [now is definitely spring!]
new virus in my throat [why now?!! :(]
new quarter at school [started before other programmes do :(]
new task in the class [it's going to be busy and confusing :p]
new pen drive [at last... :p]
and i'm pretty sure there will be new adventure :)

It was...

a nice weather in Oslo on wednesday!!!
so I was lucky... :)
I did a tour around the city... walking, of course... it's cheaper to walk
good for your wallet, but not so good for your feet :(
took some pictures of the palace, church, statues at Vigeland park, etc ...
this is just one of it: (from Vigeland)























nice pic isnt it?? :p want to see more?? check out my friendster :p hehe..
i'm just too lazy to put too many pics on my blog.. i've posted too many recently..
sorry... :(

norway

more than 12 hours in the bus (Gothenburg-Oslo-Trondheim), and finally I arrived in this city
the sun was shining bright on saturday, but sunday was cloudy and snowy, and today is cloudy and rainy
I was too tired on saturday, so I didnt do anything...
I tried the cross country ski yesterday, but it's not as fun as the other type of ski that i've tried in Dalarna (less adrenalin involve, not so fun for me :p)
but still, here's a pic when i was up at the mountain :p

[at Lian, Trondheim]

Site seeing is not really fun when you have cloud and even worse, rain. Especially because you almost can't see anything due to the fog. So, today's site seeing was just fine before the rain started at noon.
this is the pic of Trondheim's famous old bridge...



not so nice pic due to the weather :(















It's really a quite city here.. (and I thought Gtb was quite enough)
Maybe I will have better luck in Oslo on wednesday...


I miss my capoeira... :(

fight the tears...

Finally... I did my exam..
It was more and less okay..
I passed, with still unknown grade..
That's good considering the condition the night before

And we had a little celebration for that (me and my groupmate)
The four of us had a little dinner together
Special occassions are exam and Konstantin's birthday
It was great and fun...!!!
We talked for hours.. and I missed my last tram, had to walk home
but I was saved by an angel with a bicycle
I didn't have to walk, instead the angel fly me with the bike :p
(it has been a long time since I ride on a bicycle.. freak me out a bit..:p)

-------------------------------------------------------
News from back home.. Ririn is quite okay...
She's though!!! and brave...
Thanks for everyone who gave her support and pray :)

Wise words say:

you have to be able to let go off something that you love, because in the end you have to let everything go.

A part of my body is never occurred to me as something that I love because they all are just always there… but think again, and you’ll see that it is…

8^PM until 11^PM Indonesian time, March 16^th 2005
3 hours of surgery for Ririn went well. A surgery to save her leg but ironically had to set it free from her body… She’s still in the ICU now, but I really hope she’d be alright…
I wasn’t there at the hospital, just an sms from Mia letting me know that the surgery is over. The paramedics had the part of her leg wrapped in a fabric and her mother just held it tight. I couldn’t even imagine how sad it was …
I didn’t loose any part of my body and I wasn’t there when the surgery took place, but still, there’s a small creek running on my cheek…

1 day before exam

Books and papers scatter everywhere in my room
there are more books need to be read
but this one, I haven’t finished... not yet...

It’s cloudy outside... occasionally rain shower...
same weather I have inside my mind
for the reason that is not so reasonable

Just wish that I can concentrate on my reading
....

seberapa pantas kah kau untuk kutunggu
cukup indahkah dirimu untuk s'lalu kunantikan
mampu kah kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi burukku
mampu kah kita bertahan di saat kita jauh
(seberapa pantas - So7)

close to tears

I just got news from back home, my best friend condition is getting worst...
and her leg has to be amputated...!! :(( The worst thing that I could never imagine will happen to her...
they said that she will have the operation on Monday.
I want to be there with her.... but it's just too far away...
and I’m so useless here :((
I couldn't think.. couldn't study... couldn't do anything....
I hate this!!!

It just brings back my old memory of her...
I’ve known her since we were kids and she has always been a happy girl
chatty, cheerful and full of energy (I could never keep up with her when we shop together)
back then, we would never imagine something like this will happen to one of us (there are 8 of us)

it's just like a lightning strike...
it's true that we can never imagine what will happen to us... not now, not ever..!
So many proof around me... so many things that I didn't pay much attention before...
I should be grateful for everything that I have for I may not have it anymore later on...
just how can I do that?? have I been grateful enough for what I have??
have I been grateful that I’m healthy? have I been grateful that my family is alright? have I been grateful that I have my best friends?
Or did I just complaining all the time... complaining because it seems like an endless winter? complaining because I don’t have any boyfriend (yet)? complaining because I have so little time and too many things to do?
I don’t think I did that... at least consciously... and I hope that i would never be ungrateful of anything

So tonight, I will light 3 candles for Ririn...
Hope you will be ok... Hope I can come home this year...

look out your window....

sun is shining...
birds are singing...
a couple of squirrels is playing...
what can I say..??!
It's a Beautiful day!!! ;)

and spring is coming!!!!

happy or sad...

semudah membalik telapak tangan
one minute i was happy, the next minute i was sad....

hari ini gue baru aja balik dari weekend 4 hari yang sangat menyenangkan
dan pas gue sampe rumah, gue dapat berita kalo salah satu sahabat gue sakit parah... kondisinya mengkhawatirkan :( hiksss....
and i'm so far away from her!!! :(

Ririn... cepat sembuh yaaa....!!!!!!!!!!!

have fun...

go mad!! ;)
it's weekend!!!!!!!!!!!
finally...!!!

fuiiihh...

hari yang melelahkan...
menjelang satu minggu yang juga akan melelahkan...
ayo!! tetap semangat...!!! ;)

you know...

time is ticking...
hour is passing...
clock is running...
and you still standing...

moving a step...
trying hard not to fall...
walking slow on a thin rope...
hoping for nothing at all...

never ever close your eyes...
straight ahead you must watch...
never fear to look down...
find some cut that need a patch...

Hari Kasih Sayang

kenapa 14 febuari jadi hari kasih sayang??
kenapa 'cuma' satu hari dalam setahun??
menurut gue kasih sayang itu harus setiap saat..

every second in your life to care for someone else
someone close to you or even a stranger
do small things from the heart...
sometimes you wont realize that what you do makes other people happy
sometimes you just do what you think is an ordinary things...
but maybe the other person will think that it's a great things...

right now I'm happy for a lot of small things...
two of them are:
*A postcard from a friend when she went to Denmark
*A call from a friend to tell me to go to sleep because it's very late and I'm still online ;)

.... small things that I know came from their heart :)

Thanks!!!

Yes, you can...

Take a chance, the future's in your hands
Make it what you can before your time has reached the end
(Thank you - the Calling)

My brain..

is running slow today... tonight especially...
too many data stored in the HD??
or am i running out of memory...??
I thought i've already moved some of the data in my recycle bin
and I'm pretty sure that i have emptied it
hemmm....
maybe some more data need to be deleted :p
I'll just do that tonight then :)

What A Day...!!!

so very glad to be back :)
I don't mind if the temperature is minus
I'm just happy...
don't ask me why :p It's too hard for me to explain.. :)

yep,

feels good to be back out there...!!!
(although it's -5 degree)

poem??

I was browsing the internet earlier
and I ended up at a familiar site
There's a poem on it...
New poem...
And I wonder...
For whom it might be for...
Was it in any chance for me?? :)
Lucky me then, since I think it was really good
But I won't know, will I??
'Cause I know nothing about poem
And I can't read people mind :)

.....??

time??? 01:09 AM
place??? my room
activity??? nothing
reason??? i just couldn't sleep!!!!!

did i take the wrong medicine or something... i dont think so...
just when u need to sleep in the right time and the right place... you couldnt!!!
i could just easily fall asleep in my class... or in the tram... or at some presentation...
WHY NOW??!!!!
i'm not feeling well... i need my rest so i wont skip classes again... but i just couldn't sleep...
i've been trying to get to sleep for more than 4 hour...
and now i have a headache because of that...!!!
this is not good.... :(

.........!

ga enak ya kalo sakit di negeri orang....

mengejar matahari...

judul lagu?? betul..
judul filem?? benar juga...
boleh ngga kalo gue bilang sekarang gue lagi mengejar matahari?? boleh lah!! kan suka2 gue :)

matahari termasuk bintang besar di tata surya, jadi boleh dibilang gue juga sedang berusaha menggapai bintang...
mungkin lebih tepat bintang karena bintang lebih banyak dan bermacam2

kenapa baru sekarang?? 'coz life is so short...

bintang ngga mungkin turun, jadi gue yang harus terbang ke sana.
mungkin ngga ya bintang sebanyak itu bisa gue capai semua?? we'll never know until we try...
tapi ada satu bintang... satu matahari... satu2nya...
yang semoga bisa gue capai... with the one and only torch that I have...

new comment

akhirnya...
gue sempat juga 'ngulik' link comment di sini...
ternyata ngga ribet... atau karena ini info dari orang yang berbeda?? :p hehe..
anjuran yang berbeda pernah gue terima dari seseorang beberapa waktu yang lalu, tapi gue waktu itu ngga berhasil2. kemarin ada lagi yang ngasih saran dan dari yang satu ini kok langsung bisa ya... :p hehehe...
kesalahan teknis sebenarnya ada di gue sih karena gue sempat re-install windows dan bookmark gue ilang semua (dengan bodohnya gue ngga inget alamat site yang gue perluin itu)

sebelumnya gue minta maaf karena berarti comment2 yang dulu ada kini hilang sudah (berhubung gue emang ngga tau cara memunculkan lagi di format baru ini :p hehe... payah deh!!)

anyway, hope u enjoy... it will make it easier... buat mencela gue :) hehe...
varsågod!!!

hidup

life is not always easy....
....but it's always beautiful...
in a way....

when you think you're sad, He send you snow to brighten up your day
when you think you're nervous, He send you a beautiful smile to calm you
when you think you're alone, He send you a friend...

kumpul

kemarin abis baca blognya rani... ternyata teman2 gue abis kumpul2...
hiksss... gue jadi kangen!!! pengin jalan bareng... btw, gue masih megang sie transportasi apa udah 'terpaksa' dilengserkan nih??
padahal gue udah sibuk berat di sini... 24-7 masuk pertama hari rabu dan jumat gue harus presentasi... so little time so much to do....
sampe2 gue ga sempat masak ;) hehe... ga sempet apa males ya sebenarnya :p
tapi tetap aja kangen sama orang rumah, sama teman2 gue, sama sodara2 gue...

ngomong2 tentang kumpul bareng teman2 gue...
kemarin gue dapat sms dari teman gue (ardi CS), isinya kurang lebih ngajakin kumpul bareng angkatan di neighbourhood gue. kok gue?? sekedar pemberitahuan apa sengaja biar gue makin homesick??

oya, konfirmasi tentang ardianto... (rani, gue udah nanya lagi... ga ada becandaan kok!!!)

klarifikasi berita: benar
tanggal pelaksanaan: dalam rencana
penyebaran berita resmi: tunggu undangan

outside

Left broken empty in despair
Want to breathe, can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
....... (left outside alone - Anastacia)

Saatnya ku berkata
Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua
Ku yakin inilah waktunya

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi
....... (Mungkin Nanti - Peter Pan)

But everyday I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
....... (on my own - Barara Streisand)

A

......
who are we kidding here??
we're not going anywhere..
you know that and i know that...
maybe it's just time to end this...
semua ketidakjelasan yang mungkin disebabkan oleh gue sendiri..
mungkin lebih baik kalo kembali aja seperti dulu,
seperti pada saat belum ada rasa apa2...
mungkin itu lebih baik... daripada berlarut2...
i have had enough of "broken to pieces" condition before,
i dont want to get through that again...
.......

kemarin

kemarin....
di negara yang gue pikir udah aman banget, ternyata masih ada aja orang aneh yang mengganggu

kemarin....
gue baru tau kalo anjing besar kesayangan gue di rumah udah 2 minggu ini menghilang...

kemarin....
datang email dari seorang teman lama... same question... masih jomblo?? :p

kemarin....
pembicaraan yang menurut gue penting tiba2 terhenti begitu saja karena dia log off tanpa pesan... sampai saat ini...

kemarin....
I have the chance to talk to someone that I really care. Someone whose sons I care a lot... Hope our conversation helps her in a way

kemarin....
last party sebelum mulai kuliah lagi... I had a great time there :)

kemarin....
teman gue ada yg baru jadian resmi 5 hari... senangnya melihat mereka kemarin bareng :) so cute...

kemarin....
mungkin bukan sesuatu yang perlu gue ingat2 lagi hari ini... let it pass.. dont look back...

today...

pagi ini gue ngerasa ga enak badan..
ada yg aneh....!!
too much exercise?? iya kali yaaa...
rasanya kayak kalo pas upacara bendera dan berdiri kelamaan...
berkunang-kunang... tapi masih setengahnya, belum parah...
heran, ada apa yaa...

first love...

fell in love for the first time when i was 16 years old
and now,
after almost 9 years.... i finally got in touch..

to enjoy
to be a part of
to feel the rhythm

and I will keep it to last... as long as I could...
as long as I'm here... and I hope when I'm at home...

http://www.capoeira.nu

time goes by

it's time..

time to act...
time to stop...
time to let go...
time to decide...
time to move on...

time to be honest... with your self
time to understand... with your heart

time to paint all black...

aku kan menghilang
dalam pekat malam
lepas ku melayang
biarlah ku bertanya
pada bintang bintang
tentang arti kita
dalam mimpi yang sempurna...
(peter pan-red)

masih

tiba2 pengin dengerin lagunya ADA band.. "masih"
gue bukan penggemar berat band itu sih, tapi berhubung lagu itu pernah jadi soundtrack iklan, jadi gampang diingat.. dan gue terus terang, gue lama2 jadi suka lagu itu ;)

lagu itu ga ada di bank mp3 gue, dan gue ampe begging teman gue untuk kirimin dari indonesia. menyedihkan banget sih gue... jaman teknologi gini tapi males nyari di internet :)
gue juga ga tau kenapa tiba2 gue inget lagu itu padahal terakhir gue denger waktu bulan juli atau agustus tahun lalu.. something wrong with me??? kalo istilahnya teman2 sma gue itu namanya KSO2. semacam rumus kimia dari Kelingan Sing Ora Ora :) singkatan yg cukup bermanfaat :p

gue mulai nulis2 yg ga jelas nih kayaknya... sudahlah....

untuk anonymous...

menyambung komentar yg diberikan oleh seseorang 'anonymous' di posting gue sebelumnya...

"Jgn terlalu egois dan juga jgn terlalu analitis. elo memang seseorang yang elo mau. tapi perubahan dari diri lo adalah hasil dari kritik orang lain. Kadangkala perlu berubah untuk orang lain untuk mendapatkan yang lebih baik. karna manusia selalu berusaha untuk mendapatkan yang lebih baik :) "
(Posted by Anonymous to Smurfs at 1/7/2005 03:58:59 PM)

hai!! :) thanks!!!
untuk egois, bisa jadi gue memang seperti itu. tapi untuk analitis kayaknya gue bukan termasuk orang seperti itu deh... or maybe I am?? hemmm.... *thinking*
btw, itu ditujukan untuk gue kan?? :p sorry kalo salah tangkep... ;)

menurut gue kritik memang baik untuk perubahan. tapi gue tetap berpikir bahwa alangkah baiknya kalo loe berubah karena diri loe memang menginginkan perubahan itu sendiri untuk ke arah yg lebih baik. bukan karena 'orang lain' yang menginginkan elo berubah. sesuatu yg datang dari hati pasti hasilnya lebih baik kan?? ;) itu maksud gue dengan berubah untuk diri loe sendiri (previous posting.red). well, itu sih pendapat gue... hehe..

contoh gampang... orang sulit untuk berhenti merokok padahal berhenti merokok adalah jelas-jelas merupakan sesuatu yg baik, untuk diri sendiri, orang lain dan lingkungan. sedikit orang yang bisa berhenti merokok karena 'orang lain'. tapi cukup banyak yang bisa berhenti karena 'dirinya sendiri' alias dari hatinya sudah menetapkan.

tapi mungkin itu memang cuma berlaku untuk gue dan segelintir orang, yang menganggap perubahan yang berasal dari hati itu penting... :)

anyway, thanks a lot.. but please next time pake nama ya.. gue bakal lebih menghargai itu...
(eh atau ga pake nama gara2 posting comment di blog gue terlalu ribet?? :p maap deh kalo gitu... belum sempat2 ngebenerin...)

seputar teman...

ada apa ya di 2005?? di luar berita tsunami..
hanya berita2 kecil seputar teman :)

2 januari 05, (dikutip dari sms seorang teman.. mungkin isinya ga persis sama, tapi essensinya tetap sama)
"si chr**** mau merid awal februari ini. gile gue dilangkahin mulu!!"

4 januari 05, (dikutip dari YM, essensi tetap sama)
= R adalah gue, T adalah teman =

R: udah siap merid nih??
T: baca milis donk!!!
R: jadi udah nyebar undangan nih?? gw ga bisa buka attachment di milis
T: loh kok ga bisa???
R: anyway, selamat yaaa!!
T: belum.. ntar tgl 26
R: iya deh, selamatnya dipending sampe tgl 26. semoga anak loe ga kayak elo ya.. :p
T: hah??!! emang kenapa kalo kayak gue?!!

4 januari 05, (dikutip dari YM percakapan lain, essensi tetap sama)
= R adalah gue, A adalah teman =

A: wooiii, si chr**** merid awal februari
R: udah tau kok
A: ooo.. ya udah...
R: loe kapan??
A: kalo ngga bulan mei ya bulan juni
R: hah?? seriusan loe?? emang ce loe udah pulang dari berlin
A: februari ini balik
R: waaaa... gue ketinggalan banyak acara!! :((

5 januari 05, (dikutip dari sms seorang teman, sekali lagi essensi tetap sama)
"gue baru tau kalo dia bakalan keluar dari kantor.. kenapa sih DIA selalu menjauhkan gue dari cowo yg gue udah ngerasa deket??!!"

FYI:

chr*** adalah teman gue smp.. eh dari sd malahan :) well done!! tipe cowo yg sangat sulit deket sama cewe and akhirnya merid juga. gue rasa itu bagus banget kan :) i'm so happy for him..

T adalah teman kuliah gue... orang paling jahil, yg gue harap anaknya nanti lebih meniru ibunya daripada bapaknya. hehe... selamat yaaa!!! setelah sekian lama... :p

A adalah tetangga gue.. belakang rumah... diprediksi oleh teman2 gue sebagai orang yg paling terakhir untuk berpikir ke arah sana (baca: nikah), tapi ternyata... dia sudah berubah... good for him!!! buat yg lain... relax.. jangan ngerasa dilangkahin yaa :) ga separah itu kok meskipun Ar****** merid duluan :p

sms terakhir dari teman gue cuma bisa gue jawab.. "loe ga bakalan semudah itu untuk tau apa rencana-Nya untuk loe dibalik yg sesuatu yg loe anggep sebagai ketidakberuntungan"

kesimpulan...

everybody changes... hopefully for the better..
dan gue turut senang utk teman2 gue... tapi gue sebel karena bakalan ketinggalan banyak acara!! :( hikss...

buat yg lain... yg merasa belum beruntung... don't be!!
elo adalah seseorang yang elo mau (dikutip dr kamar sebelah.red), jangan berubah untuk orang lain, berubahlah untuk diri loe sendiri. dan jangan merasa ngga beruntung... hal2 baik selalu ada, kalo loe memperhatikan dengan baik..
dan terakhir...

Sesuatu yg tepat untuk diri loe bakalan datang pada saat yang tepat dan momen yang sempurna....

CHEER UP!!! ;)
**untuk beberapa orang teman**