close to tears

I just got news from back home, my best friend condition is getting worst...
and her leg has to be amputated...!! :(( The worst thing that I could never imagine will happen to her...
they said that she will have the operation on Monday.
I want to be there with her.... but it's just too far away...
and I’m so useless here :((
I couldn't think.. couldn't study... couldn't do anything....
I hate this!!!

It just brings back my old memory of her...
I’ve known her since we were kids and she has always been a happy girl
chatty, cheerful and full of energy (I could never keep up with her when we shop together)
back then, we would never imagine something like this will happen to one of us (there are 8 of us)

it's just like a lightning strike...
it's true that we can never imagine what will happen to us... not now, not ever..!
So many proof around me... so many things that I didn't pay much attention before...
I should be grateful for everything that I have for I may not have it anymore later on...
just how can I do that?? have I been grateful enough for what I have??
have I been grateful that I’m healthy? have I been grateful that my family is alright? have I been grateful that I have my best friends?
Or did I just complaining all the time... complaining because it seems like an endless winter? complaining because I don’t have any boyfriend (yet)? complaining because I have so little time and too many things to do?
I don’t think I did that... at least consciously... and I hope that i would never be ungrateful of anything

So tonight, I will light 3 candles for Ririn...
Hope you will be ok... Hope I can come home this year...