does being sleepy can also cause the numb?

my cappucinno on my messy desk..

my heart

just numbed...
no clear reason...
it's numb...

all the scars and the sore..
all the pieces that were glued back..

maybe it's just too tired... for now...

Prays

"God gives what you need in life and not what you want"

All of my life, I always get what I want... (well.. it's true.. :p )
I'm not the kind of person who likes to chase hard on what she want.. never do that..
And I don't think I'm the kind of person who ask a lot of things... (was not before, but I might ask more things lately :p )
But I do always get what I want eventually...

I wanted to continue my study.. and there I was in Sweden..
I wanted to travel free of cost.. and I was in Europe, got a chance to take picture in front of Petronas tower, stepped on five big islands in Indonesia.. everywhere and no money was spent.. I even get paid for it :)
I wanted to drive my own car to the speed limit.. and I have Cuplis for now..
I wanted to meet people from different countries... and I have friends from all over the world..


All of that are just examples.. and those are things that I acknowledge after a very long time, years difference between wanting and getting it... Only seen when I look back through the path of my life.. All comes at the time when I need it or you can say deserve it...
And I'm grateful for what I have...(and for what I don't have.. :p)
--although lately I feel like I'm not that grateful, feels like I'm wanting what other people have.. :( which shouldn't be like that... Thanks to the reminder from Anonymous' comment!!!

But just today..
I'm shown that I can get what I want... when I need it... and if I wish it hard (read: pray)

This morning I asked God for not giving me any chance to meet a person in any kind of way possible since I won't be able to refuse any meeting if he asks for one (I'm just being to weak to say no). and I practically begged for it... (we should, don't we??)
I asked him to give me reasons so I won't be able to meet that person.. reason that doesn't come from myself since I've already have so many plan today in which in all of that tight schedule, I still have some chances to meet that person, and he will take that chances with all his might..

First reason I got was a call from my best friend, asking what I'm going to do after work.. and she doesn't sound good at all.. So I promise to cut one of my schedule short and meet her afterwards... (she said we'll see though, since she's not really in her usual calm, which actually worries me)

Then I went to a meeting and had lunch with some friends from college at FX
When I got back at the office, another reason was there...

Second reason was from the person himself.. :) He said he might not have the chance to meet me today since he has to take care of some matters at home...

....
....
....
....
....

I asked for a reason... and He gives me (at least) two... (since the day is not over yet)
I actually really want to meet the person and was kind of hoping that I will have no other choice than to meet him today.... (although I was begging for not meeting him... but you know how it is when you want something that you know you shouldn't want)
Well, He knows better of my need.. :) He knows that I need not to meet him...

It's why my Yahoo Messenger status that I put on this morning is right after all
"Friday I'm in Love"
some people asked about it.. and now I know that I really am in Love...
.....with my life.....
:p hehehe.. narcissism?? a positive one if I may say so... :)

Have a good weekend everyone!! and Enjoy Life...!!
Live for the present and not for the past..
Care about this moment and worry not about tomorrow ;)

morning public transport....

My car is on its way to Solo with my cousin driving it right now...
We had a sad news yesterday saying that my grandma's brother passed away, so we need to get there a.s.a.p. It's a long weekend this week and public transport tickets for the whole family are out of questions.. So two cars are going to Solo...
I couldn't go with them because I have a whole staff meeting today, but I plan to leave after the meeting. Luckily, my dad got me a ticket for this afternoon's flight but with a very expensive price though... (however, it's still quite reasonable amount for emergency situation...)
Anyway, so I'm going there as well today....but without my car!!
I should've been the one who's driving it long way... I want to drive 600 km with it :'(
Well, maybe it's for the best... :)

Anyway, with no car at home, I asked Ira, one of my ganks who still lives in the same housing area with me, if I can come along half way to the office, since our offices are on different region. So she dropped me off at Blok M...
It was the nearest junction she can stop, so I practically had to walk a few hundreds meter to the bus terminal. Then I realize, I miss my morning walk that I usually take when I didn't have my car... :'(

There are 2 choices to take, busway or regular bus.
I took the regular bus since it was quite empty :) maybe since it's still 7 AM in the morning...
I sat near the entrance, my favourite seat on any public transport since I can feel the wind breeze there :p and also if the bus is quite full, I can still get some fresh air there (you know how Indonesian buses are when they're full).
But the bus wasn't so full... and the road wasn't jammed yet... and the wind breeze was still fresh... and I love it!!
As the bus passes the familiar road, I did my usual habit of watching people on the sidewalk...
And again... I miss that!! I never had a chance to do it when I'm driving my car... too busy watching the road and the car in front of me... :'(

So today I learn... that there are lots of things that I miss...
taking the bus...
my morning walk from the bus stop to the office...
watching people on the street heading for work...
seeing people who actually is working on the street...

I should give Cuplis* a break once in a while and take a bus instead...


*Cuplis, that's how I call my car :p

Don't Bother...

by Shakira

She's got the kind of look that defies gravity
She's the greatest cook
And she's fat free

She's been to private school
And she speaks perfect French
She's got the perfect friends
Oh isn't she cool

She practices Tai Chi
She'd never lose her nerve
She's more than you deserve
She's just far better than me

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

And don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

I'm sure she doesn't know
How to touch you like I would
I beat her at that one good
Don't you think so?

She's almost 6 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

Don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry


*nice... :)

still tired...

of living a lie...
for something that I don't have...
and something that's not mine...
which is everything to me for now....
.....
...
.

system status:

- heart disfunction
- hardware failure
- programs're not responding
- software needs to be reinstalled
...
Restarting is recommended...