kriiingg...

received calls:
+6221...
1:13am 27/5/06
00:06:55

"lagi ngapain??"
"lagi tidur. kenapa?"
"ngga papa. mau bangunin aja..."
"gue ga mau buka mata neh... mau tidurrrr... capee"
"ya udah gue tunggu sampe loe buka mata"
"iseng amat sih.. gue tidur lagi yaaa...."
"iya...."

* dialog yg sedikit dipersingkat (karena agak lupa detailnya-red), tanpa mengubah inti percakapan

Meaningless conversation??
* the content of the conversation -- not important
* the time of call -- very disturbing
* the reason of calling:
1. just to hear the voice --> very meaningful and kind of sweet
2. just for fun --> completely meaningless
3. emergency call --> not likely, see point "content of conv."

conclusion???
.....

earthquake

This morning at Yogyakarta and around....

Let's pray for the victims...
and help them in any way with the strength that we have...

Je vous present...

MELAN ....

for the ones whom I care a lot...

....
I thought I could live in your world
As years all went by
With all the voices I've heard
Something has died
....
Don't Cry (alt lyrics) - Guns N' Roses

Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds' and mars
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
....
Love Hurt - Nazareth

"Never fear 'cause He's here to answer your query
Don't shed a tear for He shall heal the injured"

night out

abis jalan sama "lulusan" kantor lama gue plus satu orang yg masih kerja di sana :D
ga jauh2, cuma makan aja... tapi menentukan tempatnya itu loohhh...
berangkat dari rumah jam 5 sore (jemput Rina dulu di Citos, trus ke Kuningan ketemu yg lain), baru mendarat di "restoran" Menteng jam stengah 9 malem :p
susah juga ya kalau dari awal belum dipastikan mau kemana
untung sopir kita baik :p hehe... thanks ya Lex!!
pulangnya mampir Setiabudi building dulu.. ke parkirannya maksud gue :D
soalnya mobil gue ditaroh di situ, secara (ampun deh gue.. ketularan gaya ngomong "secara" gini.. :p ), sekali lagi, secara kita cuma ber-5, jadi ga efektif banget plus buang2 bensin kalau pake dua mobil. selain itu, alasan terpenting adalah... ga bisa saling mencela!! huehehe..
senang juga......
udah pada "mapan" nih sejak lulus dari kantor lama :D berarti tinggal gue donk..
ayo semangat!! semangat!! :D

well, it was a nice meeting ;) and I guess we'll meet again soon.. for another treat...
next would be... movies and sea food... my favorite ;)

...

kemarin Macan kembali bertunggal dengan penciptanya
jam 15.00 di RSH Ragunan :'(
cek darahnya menunjukkan kalau dia kekurangan darah merah...
malamnya, dia dijemput untuk dikuburkan di makam keluarga (samping rumah-red)
malam itu juga Melan diperiksa di RSH dengan gejala sama yaitu muntah2 dan diare
dokter bilang dia pucat sekali.. hasil cek darahnya sama dengan Macan: anemia
gara2 apa?? ternyata gara2 CACING TAMBANG!!!
kayaknya satu rumah mesti pembasmian cacing nih...
ga cuma hewan peliharaan, tapi yg punya juga :)
anyway, Melan masih bertahan...
hopefully she'll survive...

je suis triste...

siang tadi, si item kecil mati... :'(
sakit sejak hari jumat kemarin...
sempat terlihat sehat, tapi pada akhirnya tetap ngga mau makan... :'(
but she died like she was asleep...
I guess her duties in this world had been fulfilled

macan juga sakit, nyusul adiknya...
sampai saat ini si macan juga masih lemah, ngga mau makan...
coklat-putih dan si hitam udah diadopsi orang kemarin...
jadi sekarang melan sendirian di luar...
ada stela dan memey sih, tapi tetap aja sepi tanpa saudara2nya...

hikss...
je suis vraiment triste...
apalagi tadi abis liat video waktu mereka masih lengkap...
hueee...
wis..wis.. gue sign off dulu aja :'(

greatest sense of humour

tonight someone reminded me
about who has the greatest sense of humour...
who can makes us laugh not only at that moment, but long after that
who can makes a very simple joke seems complicated at a time
who can makes you spend years and more years to understand the jokes
who knows that the jokes won't be funny for you unless you have a very big heart to understand them, and despite that knowledge, still plants the jokes everywhere at any time

but still.. the jokes continue... and the humour spreads...

for a friend...
whom I have not talked to, in such a way as tonight, for a very long time...
thanks for the reminder that the Highest Power has a truly great taste of humour

Girl from Mars

Do you remember the time I knew a Girl From Mars?
I don't know if you knew that
...
.....
...
Today I sleep in the chair by the window,
It felt as if you’d returned
I thought that you were standing over me,
When I woke there was no-one there
I still love you, girl from.. Mars
...
...

by: Ash

just a blast from the past that I watch today on a music channel in television...
one of many soundtracks of my life

1 down, 4 more to go...

(since one of the 6 should be ours.. :p)














there he goes... my little brown puppy...
hope you're with a nice family that loves you...

little things with paws...

cute but fierce
adorable but unpredictable

prayer by mistake?

ever realised that what you said might happen although it's not intentionly?
ever noticed that what you do or say is somewhat like a prayer which may come true??

notice this...
on March 9th, 06.
I wrote that I have 10 dogs. Tiny mistake of calculation since 7 + 1 + 1 + 2 equal to 11.
and how many do I have now?? 10 dogs...!! :'(
one of the puppies died when it was no more than 1.5 weeks old.

coincidence or "prayer by mistake"??
I'd never know for sure...

trick or treat

sometimes you lift me up, and then sometimes you bring me down
I wonder what you're gonna do each time I turn my back around
you're either devil or an angel, a Jekyll or a Hyde
trick or treat... bitter or sweet...

the day that we first met, I didn't know what to expect
and so I fell in love with you and now my mind is just a wreck
depending on the mood you're in, you're either good or you're bad
trick or treat... bitter or sweet...

tell me why you're fooling with my mind
I'm either way up front or far behind
it's up or it's down and I love being around
when it's high up in the sky

but when it's low you bring me down and I don't know what's going on
I don't want changes from a boy that I just can't depend upon
you either love me or you don't
you either will or you won't
trick or treat... bitter or sweet...

(sang by: Nikka Costa)
- song from teenage-hood that can still applied anytime-

puppies!!

7 puppies were born on 8th of March.
The first one came out at 00.05, and the rest came afterwards.
The process was completed in 6 and a half hours later.
Memey was in great pain and exhausted... but she managed it very well.



















So now, there are 10 dogs in my house ;)
7 very cute little ones, their mother (Memey), their big sister (Stela), and my two other dogs (Cokie & Bogel)

Memey

have a week off from the course this week
I thought I can have some relaxing time
but nooo... I have to take care of a pregnant dog
and not just a dog... it's Memey!!

FYI, Memey is the mother of my brother's dog, Stela
She is not mine, of course, since it's too expensive for me to have those kind of dogs as pet (the food, the veterinarian, etc), considering that I'm incomeless for the moment :P. They're the APBT. She belongs to one of our friends whose wife just recently delivered their second child. I'm sure it will be too much for him to think about the dog, while he, himself, is too busy taking care of his wife and little daughter.
Anyway, back to Memey...

I never knew how my dogs (regular dogs) delivered their puppies before since they just showed up in the morning, those little things with paws.
I didn't even know if my dogs had some trouble or pain when delivering them.
Bottom line is, actually, perhaps I don't care on how it happens, I'm just happy about the result (read: puppies).
But this one.... I have to care.... :'( Since it is entrusted to me (actually, it's not my responsibilities.. but my brother's... but he's working and currently I'm not... so I'm home most of the time, with those dogs, obviously)
I just read some stuff about pregant dogs on the internet, seems like it's complicated
So many things to do, to watch over and to care for... :'(
I just hope Memey is experienced enough about this, since it will be her third times...

to work or not to work

cari kerja... terus kerja....???
atau belajar dulu... baru cari kerja... terus kerja...???
crucial choice :(
kadang2 gue berpikir gue harus kerja...
berarti gue sebenarnya masih belum mau kerja donk...
tapi cuma terdorong oleh situasi dan kondisi doank...
kalau gitu, yg bagus itu sebenarnya gimana sih??
kerja karena emang suka.. kerja karena butuh.. atau kerja karena terpaksa.. ??
hemm.... saatnya untuk berpikir :)

...sigh...

compare toothache and heartbreak?
why do some people do that?!!
both situations are the same...
painful as hell flame.. (yeahh... right... like I've been there myself :p)
both of them distract your concentration, reduce your appetite and also possible reason for headache...
very annoying indeed...!!
however, they have a positive damage...
it can be helpful for those who are in diet ;)
don't you think so?? :)

waiting for the rain

was headed home after class, but caught by the "not so heavy" rain
in a thought that I should learn more "french" and that I could catch the first 'nice' train home at 16h00, I stay here
what am I doing?? free internet!!! my favourite, of course :p
I might even consider staying longer next time just to read my friend's blog :p
couldn't open my email though (or at least I don't try to do it, since there's this warning infront of me saying that this internet connection is only for french sites !@#!$ and not for personal usage -- and I don't consider blogging is personal usage :p)
anyway, my point of waiting for the rain might become useless... since the dark cloud is still out there... probably waiting for my appearance out from the shelter and then... start pouring its cold water heavily on me..
well.... at least I'm blogging for free :p

25 messages

bad idea!!!
sending 25 message at the same time in order to save time and energy
"only" 25 since it was the maximum limit...
while I need to send more message to my friends, my mobile number is not working properly at the present (of course it's because of the smart "25 msg for time saving" idea)
I think I just crashed my number... :(
another bad thing is that I'm expecting replies from all 25 messages
which since 30 minutes ago, I only got one reply...
meaning that...
most likely I can't receive those replies...
once again... bad and stupid idea!!

lesson to learn today: patient!!!

don't let time to be the boss of you, let yourself to be the boss to control time

powerless

what strength do we have, if not because of the greatest power
in which we only borrow a tiny bit of its glory
only if you're close to the source...

three days of walking without strength
ready to collapse at any time... anywhere..
realizing that I'm not that close to the source
but one thing for sure...
the source will not withdraw its presence from me
although I'm just another creature in the universe

rambut baruku...

ancuurr abisssssss...!!!!
baru aja pulang dari potong rambut karena gue udah sebel sama rambut gue yang ngga jelas
niatnya sih cuma mau dirapiin dan ngga dipendekin, tapi kok jadi kayak gini ya?? :P
and guess what?!
tadi mba-nya nawarin gue buat potong rambut gaya Agnes Monica, sekalian juga rambutnya dicat kayak dia...
HUAAAAAAAAA......!!!!
bisa dianggap sebagai penghinaan, kalau ternyata mba2 itu ngga suka sama Agnes, yg notabene berarti dia mengusulkan sesuatu yg dia anggap jelek untuk gue
bisa juga dianggap pujian, kalau dia anggap gayanya Agnes asyik, dan berarti gaya gue asyik juga donk!! hehe... (padahal cuma T-shirt, jeans dan sandal jepit :P)
apapun itu, gue jadi tersanjung...
karena berarti tampang gue masih seumuran sama Agnes!!
huehehe.... parah!!

soulmate lagi

ternyata...
kayaknya bukan deh ;)
guess it was a false alarm

fatigué

today, everything started at 06h30 and finished at 23h00
at the finish line, I was so tired...
but still, I'm online right now...
writing something on my blog
something that's not really important to anyone else but me...
today!!
* exercised some capoeira kicks, which made me realize that I should train more often... :( but "time" is still the main issue here...
* one of my best friend got engaged. I wasn't there to witness it, but my camera was :)
* spending the whole afternoon to cross half of Jakarta area, just to trade something that I bought yesterday but ridiculously got mixed up and I ended up with the wrong item. I wouldn't be so keen to exchange it if not for the reason that the wrong item was so useless for me :(
* however, I had two good companies during my so called trip today. thanks guys!! Thank you very much for your kindness to drive the car ;)
* my cousin got lost in South of Jakarta and I had to pick her up on my way home from the trip
* got back in time to hit the shower and get ready for a marriage reception. Yes, tonight was Asti and Dolli's night and tomorrow will be Edy and Anit's day :) great party! huge one :D
And now... I need my sleep...
have to wake up early tomorrow because it won't be just another lazy day...

youngster

you know that I'm not that old... but recently, I've been hanging around with some young people since we're in the same language class.
And Oh My God!! Seems like I'm half of a century old :p well, not really..
Actually I don't feel old at all. A point that I might should start to think about :D
They're really funny sometimes and I really like them :D
It's fun, you know... to take a break from all the troubles that people my age (ohh... please don't say that...) tend to get themself mixed in the circle of never ending thought.

Speaking of never ending thought... how would you feel if your fiancé break the bind when you've already set up a date?? devastated??
I won't be surprise if you do...
but what will you do if just in a short time, you become the reason for someone to break his/her bind?? the same situation, but this time, you're the bad person...
for revenge?? pure love?? other reasons??
any reason will still lead to only one thing.. you have made other feels the feeling that you yourself hate to be in one
I still believe, that everything that's not well started may have difficulties to have good ending also...
so it will be just a question of strength, how strong you can handle the coming obstacles....

comment ça va mon ami? ;)

Happy New Year 2006!
Selamat Tahun Baru 2006!!

May good things come in the coming year...

mall

hari ini nonton Harry Potter di PI Mall
keren loh PIM... lantainya makin mengkilat :p
tapi kok gue pusing ngeliatnya ya...
dengan segala kemilaunya.. penuh orang2 lalu lalang bergaya seperti kebanyakan tokoh sinetron..
gile emang sinetron ngerusak jiwa banget..
sedikit tapi pasti... menggerogoti cara berpikir orang2...
dari segitu banyaknya orang di Mall tadi, kira2 berapa persen ya yang mikirin orang yg ga bisa makan.. atau mikirin penebangan hutan liar yg turut memberi kontribusi meluasnya lubang ozon..
bukan berarti semua orang yg ke Mall itu ga punya "rasa" itu loh!!
cuma rasanya kok seperti bersenang2 di atas kepedihan orang ya..
gue aneh ya??? biarin!!! emang gue aneh.. tapi tadi gue benar2 terganggu.. penginnya cepat pergi jauh2 dari situ.. :(

debt

thank you!!!!
for the pool game...
and the nice food from Palembang... (akhirnya makan Pempek juga... :p)

soulmate

eh, btw...
sudah sebulan sejak gue mengira gue menemukan soulmate gue!!!
mengira...??
karena beliau sudah punya gandengan :D
hehehe...
bukan soulmate donk kalau jalannya tidak lancar ;)

X-mas!!

For you who celebrate..

Merry Christmas!!!
Joy, laughter and happiness...
Hope you get a white christmas ;)

usia panik

abis jalan nih ama teman2ku
sibuk membahas "freak out" sebelum nikah
tiba2 ada yg menyebut2 "usia panik" berhubung kita2 masih ada yg jomblo (termasuk gue :p)
tapi...
kok gue ga panik ya!!!! :) aneh ga sih...
dan ternyata... setelah ngobrol dengan salah seorang teman... ternyata gue juga ngga sendirian... :p
kenapa panik sih...??
semua kan menjadi indah pada waktunya...
kalau Yang Di Atas itu Maha Tahu, tentunya lebih tahu kan kapan kita siap untuk suatu babak baru ;) ya ngga???
Jadi buat para jomblo2 di luar sana yg merasa dirinya sudah usia panik....
Ingat, hidup itu cuma sebentar dan sangat rugi kalau cuma dihabiskan utk panik :p hehe...

loosing my inspiration..

up and down

when you're down on earth, things get more complicated
here on earth, two problems can grow into ten
"if you can make it complicated, why make it simple?"
so while you're up there...
where simplicity is still the best option
just take your time and enjoy

Jakarta

belum genap 2 minggu, saya sudah mulai pusiiiingg...
sedih juga liat Jakarta... tapi mau diapain lagi...
nyetir sendiri kok sekarang jadi ga pede gara2 liat lalu lintasnya...
musti berani mati kalau bawa mobil atau motor...
hiksss.... hiksss.... berapa lama ya waktu adaptasinya....

unreachable... doesn't seem to matter at all...
before...
untouchable... doesn't seem to be in the way...
before...
when the unreachable touch the deepest, confusion emerges...
when confusion reach its conscious, even the deepest can't move...

guess I'm just stuck in one moment that I'd never thought I would have...
not in a very short time like this...

busy busy...

free time?? not even in a week...

who to meet beside those at home??
my friends... a must!!
my grandmothers... definitely!!
my cousins... yep!!

and one week won't be enough for everyone...

11 MBps

I miss my connection...
my 11 MBps...
24 hour per day... 7 days a week...
...
yes ladies and gentleman... I'm home... :)

the notebook

one movie...
one scratch heart...

never been so touch by a movie...
it has always been just fairy tale...
guess I just lost the ability to resist...
something that I've never thought I would feel...
or do...
until 15 min ago...

this journey...

Nothing was like this..
Nothing was even close to it..
Guess I have to give it up very soon..
Never thought that loosing would be so difficult
Never thought I'd feel sad for something that I know is temporary
Never thought I'd be too attach..

I pass!!!

Thank you guys for coming!!! I love you all!!! ;)

5 minutes

before presentation...

1 day

and the clock is ticking...

7 days

and the countdown continues...

don't try to fix me, I'm not broken...
(Hello - Evanescence)

abstract... abstract... abstract...

not finish yet...

to let go, does not mean you're loosing
to accept, does not mean you're giving up
to wait in patient, does not mean you stop trying

16 days

and the count down begin...

...didn't make sense not to live for fun
your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb...
(All Star - Smash Mouth)

working hard and having fun should be in an equal relation ;)
and not just the fake fun!! but the real fun...!!!
where you can smile and laugh with your heart...
so one question if you're working hard right now: Are you having fun??
I don't think so... ;) so take a break for awhile... go outside and do something fun!!!
be back in an hour and you'd be smarter than before ;)

there's just...

too much.. that time can not erase
too little.. that mind can ignore

I look but I don't see
I touch but I don't feel
I hear but I don't listen
pointless...

what do you want??

you... to see through my eyes and find what's behind my trouble mind
you... to make me laugh when I don't want to and hold me when I'm angry
you... to like me for my choices and tell me straight when I do something wrong
you... to judge me not for what I do and trust me with all your heart

you...

far behind

when you really work... you know that you're way far behind the schedule...
and when you know you're behind...
you tend to rush everything... tend to be careless...
forgetting small stuff which, most of the time, is important...
so which is better... to know... or not to know... ???
someone said, happy are those who do not know... :)
what d'you think?? ;)

minggu ini?? let's see...

hari ini...

gue masih sakit... menyebalkan... I thought that I will be okay yesterday since I was sick on monday :( Turned out that I had a fever yesterday, which is far from better...

teman gue ada yang sedih karena ditinggal soulmate-nya pulang ke Indonesia (but we are here to take care of you dear.... don't worry..)

senangnya ada yang bilang kangen sama gue... although it's just an E-mail, which came yesterday and got caught in my bulk mail until I rescued it. Miss you too!!

gue sebeeellll.... because I just wasted the whole week by doing absolutely NOTHING for my thesis and I have to come out with a progress report next week...

Tika

today... this time of day in Indonesia... one of my best friends get married...
hope she will remember that this is the end of her adventures ;)
and may you two live happily ever after...
Tika and Ando...
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

p.s. Details please... I'm not there doesn't mean that I shouldn't know about the party ;)

6 years ago

Was it love then?
It sure was a lot like it...

crap(b) day

today..
should've been working..
but instead, we went to the center..
bought some things (luckily, I passed this temptation to buy something :p)..
ate ice cream although it was rather cold, but the ice cream was so good..
and finally.. CRAB time!!
we bought this 3 BIG crabs (actually, she bought it and didn’t let me pay for it :p thanks!!) , cooked it and ate them..
just simple dish, but with the most important thing, CHILLI!! :D hehe...
great dish followed by good exercise... (we went swimming afterwards..)
another wonderful day for me ;)

I could never do what I intended to do before.. working hard without having fun..
It's so totally not possible for me :D

hectic.. panik.. pusing..
abis ketemu supervisor gue.. kok kayaknya gue jalan di tempat ya...
hueee... jadi "sedikit" khawatir... tapi kan ga boleh khawatir... if I'm worried then I don't trust that everything is under His control, so I shouldn't be worried... but I just can't help it.........
well okay, I'm trying not to be worried now.. by reading a journal (hehe...) strange way to ease the worrier :D

... angel ...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
...
(Angel - Sarah Mclachlan)

"She didn't believe in angels until she fell in love with one"
City of Angel - 1998, Pamulang 21 cinema
A remembrance of good times in the old days...

another "today's forecast"

they say that,

"Love can be a surprise, but if you're willing to do the work, it can be a lovely one. If you're attached, now's the time to look at the deeper issues.
If you're single, it's time to examine your attitudes toward love."

Do I have attitudes?? :-o Well, I don't think I have the attitudes (read: bad attitudes) or maybe some of you think I do have :p hemm... yep, probably I do.. sometimes.. How can I say, no one ever touch my heart that deep to deserve the big "L" word to occur ;) But I do believe that when the time is right, then...

Anyway, I just watched this really nice movie on TV. I really like this kind of movie, you know, the one with the main characters struggle to achieved their dreams, and succeed in the end :p some of you might say, "come on... it's just some typical Hollywood movie.."
BUT this one that I saw was (I think) a production from England, and the main character is an Indian girl (read: a girl with India as her native country) that live in England. And... The movie was about soccer game ;) Nice one!! I will just write the title here just to remind me again about this movie someday... It's 'Bend it like Beckham'.
I was just thinking.. What I really want before was just to go abroad and study the subject that I really like. So, you can say that's my dream. And I have it now!!! :D So, I should be very happy... Well, I am happy!! :D
And not only that, I have learnt more about life itself here, different kind of life :)
Now, can I have another dream?? I should say "who can forbide me to have a dream?!" well of course No one but the Creator of the universe. So, I guess I will have another dream... or maybe I've already had one... Just waiting for me to realize its existence and for me to fight for it ;)

...
forgive me God for I had lost my temper this morning
...

BMW gue

tau kan gue belum bisa beli mobil?? :p
nah, tapi gue udah punya setiran mobil BMW dari adik gue.. kecill dan lucuuu dan imuuttt.... oleh2 pas dia kerja di Balikpapan..
tapi sekarang setiran gue ilanggg :(( hiikkksss... baru nyadar malam ini... sebel deh!!!! so careless of me :(

old friend

Wise man say, only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you
...
(Can't help falling in love - Elvis Presley)

Got your e-mail tonight
Glad to hear you got a job
Never thought I'd say (or feel) this
But I guess I miss you...
Good luck for you there!!!

the butterfly effect

It has been said that something as small as the flutter of butterfly's wing
can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world
(Chaos Theory, The Butterfly Effect Epilog)

I'm supposed to be working on my data now... BUT.. at lunch time.. since I'm home working with it, I ate lunch while watching movie ;) this Butterly Effect movie.. I know.. I know... it's an old movie :p but STILL I like Ashton Kutcher and I haven't had time to watch it before ;)
And now... I am totally distracted from my data.. :((
Anyway... I knew already that whatever I say or do at this moment will affect my tomorrow (or next minute), but this movie kind of showed me extreme examples of the effects and remind me that those things can happen sometimes...

A friend talked to me last night.. he said something that made me said "Did I do anything to cause that??" He answered me with "NO!!!". So either you didn't do anything or you did something, it will lead to one thing... the unexpected... ;)

Now... I need to get back to work... just realising one important thing here.. If I don't start working hard, how the hell am I going to be able to go home as "expected".... ;)

akhirnya...

selesai sudah waktu gue untuk bersenang-senang (baca: kerja part time membanting tulang buat bayar bill akibat keborosan gue :D ), sekarang saatnya untuk kembali berkonsentrasi ke tujuan utama gue ke sini... belajar biar pinteeerrr... hehe.. (baca: pinter cari duit.. hehe)
gimana gue mau pulang cepet kalau thesisnya masih jalan di tempat kayak gini :(( hikksss....

setaon yg lalu... kata Twinny... gue ketemu dia di sudirman ekspress bawa2 blue print PIM2 :p bukan blue print seh... cuma rancangan sistem parkir dan manajemen lalu lintas di dalam PIM dan sekitarnya. Dan gue denger kalau PIM2 udah jadi ya?? terus kata teman gue di kantor... rancangan gue dipake :p ckkk..ckk... sebelumnya gue minta maaf kalau ternyata manajemen lalu lintas yang gue rekomendasikan tidak sesuai dengan harapan para pembaca... :D hehe... atau mungkin nanti pas gue pulang dan jalan ke PIM gue bakal ngomel2 sendiri menjalani hasil rancangan gue... ;)

hari ini gue bisa santai2 di rumah.. just me and my shadow ;) tapi heran!!! giliran gue di rumah dan online sepanjang masa.. kok orang2 ga pada online seeehhhhh... :(( sedihnya diriku...

My forecaster said this:

You can't justify all your actions, especially if the results speak so eloquently for themselves.
If you committed an error, admit it without any fuss and dissembling, and it'll be over before you know it.

Why do I put it here?? Because the last phrase is mine... I mean, not that it is patent by my name, but... I use it quite many times ;)

It'll be over before you know it...

one hectic week had passed...
but here comes another hectic week... :(

udah setaon

tadi siang gue kebagian tugas jemput salah satu mahasiswa baru yg bakalan kuliah di Chalmers juga... (yg notabene ternyata teman gue dari E'97, ketua IME pada masanya :p) terus bareng teman2 gue yg di sini, kita muter2... liat jenis2 apartemen yg dihuni mahasiswa indo di sini and jalan2 ke kota sebentar. cape juga ya ternyata... soalnya kita jalan kaki :D hehe..

jadi ingat pas pertama kali gue sampai di kota ini... suasana yg beda banget...
jadi ingat pinjem hpnya Chris utk sms seseorang (krn hp gue ga cocok sama kartu sini)...
jadi ingat tiap hari punya jadwal jam tertentu buat gantian sama Chris untuk online di YM, just to be able to talk to someone...
jadi ingat senangnya waktu gue tau kalau ada yg mikirin gue... :p
jadi ingat hari2 setelah itu....

hemm.....
ga kerasa gue udah setaun di negeri orang...
some things change... and some do not...
but I guess I change.. for better or worse, that is still the question... ;)

...
Que corazón que no ve
Es corazón que no siente
O corazón que te miente amor
...

(Corazón Partio - Alejandro Sanz)

MERDEKA!!!!!!

17 Agustus tahun empat lima
itu lah hari kemerdekaan kita
hari merdeka, nusa dan bangsa
hari lahirnya bangsa Indonesia
MERDEKA!!
s'kali merdeka tetap merdeka
selama hayat masih dikandung badan
kita tetap sedia, tetap setia
mempertahankan Indonesia
kita tetap sedia, tetap setia
membela negara kita...!!!

(17 Agustus)

ps: correct me if I'm wrong with the lyrics

if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad...
if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad???

(If it makes you happy - Sheryl Crow)

here comes my chaotic and hectic week... :(
hope I can manage everything properly...

ps: For you out there, thanks for the poetry.. It's really nice :) Just a question, is that what you really feel??

pahit

kadang hidup itu pahit... saat kita tahu yang nyata bukanlah yang tampak
kadang hidup itu getir... saat kita tahu yang terasa bukan yang terpancar
kadang hidup itu menakutkan... saat kita hanya bergantung pada seutas benang tipis bernama cinta
kadang hidup itu membingungkan... saat semua hal sudah pada tempatnya, kecuali kita sendiri
kadang hidup itu mencemaskan... saat kita sadar pilihan salah yang telah diambil

tapi hidup terasa membosankan... tanpa ada malunya keliru, sakitnya tertusuk, dan pilunya salah sangka
hidup terasa hambar... tanpa pernah merasakan jantung berhenti berdetak untuk sesaat, satu saat yang terindah dimana dunia ikut berhenti berputar
hidup terasa sepi... tanpa pernah jatuh, terluka dan bangkit lagi
hidup terasa dingin... tanpa rasa sayang, sayang yang kadang tidak disadari telah ada dan menghangatkan hidup, sayang yang tidak mengharap balasan, sayang yang tidak memilih target kasihnya, sayang yang hanya terasa hangat bila satu hati telah terbuka

hal tersulit untuk seorang manusia kecil adalah membuka hati
untuk melihat dengan mata hatinya
untuk mendengar apa yang hanya bisa dirasa
untuk menyentuh yang tak nampak
untuk tahu apa yang tersembunyi
dengan kasih...

Met you once over my lifetime, but I can see that you won't give up on me
I can only say I won't give up on you, not now... not ever...

B'day related pics

31 malem, jalan, makan di kebab, tapi bayar sendiri2 :p hehehe.... gue angkat tangan deh, di sini ga sanggup nraktir orang2 :)


5 hari kemudian, ada rapat mendadak buat ngomongin anak2 indo yang mau datang tahun ajaran baru ini... and... I got a surprise B'day cake :p hehehe... nyam nyam...

MAKASIH ya semuaaaaa!!! ;)

"Linger"

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everythingI swore,
I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger,
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?...

(The Cranberries)

soundtrack

eh.. lagunya bukan soundtrack hidup gue loh!! :p
cuma lagi eksperimen pasang lagu ;)
nice music, isn't it??

21 years ago...

Makasih untuk semuanya, yang udah dari kemarin kirim sms atau telp atau kirim email ;) Muchas Gracias!!!
I have my favourite weather on the sky today... ;)

This is the heart that was unconsciously given up
It was already too late to care for it now
Realising how it will be torn to pieces with one single sentence
Nothing else to do but to pick up what is left of those pieces
And start over...

rainy day

Today is cloudy in Göteborg, and when I went back home from my Capoeira workshop, it started to rain
Only mild rain, not that hard. The kind of rain that I like, but also the kind of rain that can make you sick when it hits you :) ~got a bit of headache from it~
Anyway, I really like it... My mother tongue will say "gerimis" for this kind of rain ;) Whatever it called, I just love it :) Not just the rain, but the situation it created.
Best thing to do is, for me at least, to take one book and a cup of tea, open the window (or door if you have a balcony), sit somewhere comfortable to read and put the tea on some place within your range and then... ENJOY!!!

ps: you can change the tea with hot chocolate also ;)

kurang kerjaan

and the result is:

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

hehehe... jangan dipercaya ya!! Just don't believe everything you read ;)
Ini gara2 gue baca blog-nya Rani, terus jadi iseng deh...
Karena hari ini gue meliburkan diri... enak juga sekali2 di rumah dan ngga ngapa2in ;)

Even Angels Fall

...
Its a secret no one tells
One day its heaven, One day its hell

It's no fairytale, Take it from me
That's the way its supposed to be

You will fly and You will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you Must stay on
God knows even angels fall

(Even Angels Fall - Jessica Riddle)

...
I don't think you trust
In my self righteous suicide
I cry, when angels deserve to die

(Chop Suey -System of a Down)

Inginku,

bukan hanya jadi temanmu atau sekedar sahabatmu yang rajin dengar ceritamu

tak perlu hanya kau lihat ketulusan yang sebenarnya tak kusangka kadang ku hilang kesabaran

*mungkinkah akan segera mengerti seiring jalannya hari sungguh ku tergila padamu…

yang ada bila tak juga kau sadari akan kutempuh banyak cara agar engkau yakin semua, mauku…

patiennement je t’attendais.. mais tu ne comprends rien… je t’aime dedans… de temps en temps

biarkan aku untuk jadi kekasihmu karna tak percaya ungkapan cinta tak harus memiliki

terlambat bila aku harus berubah kala mengingini semua yang ada di dalam dirimu...

dan berulang kumencoba… tuk merebut hati dan cintamu sadarkah dirimu sering kau kesalkan aku… bila masih saja kau menyebut namanya

(Inginku - Yovie)

Makasih ya Jeng buat kiriman lagunya ;)

bright light

...
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I’m up against out in this world
Yeah well, maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something that’s enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
Well, turn yourself around and come on home
...

(Bright Light - Matchbox Twenty)

Half-Blood Prince

Hehe.. udah beli Harry Potter!!
katanya di Jakarta sampe antri ya?? Untung di sini ngga antri.. Stoknya buaanyaaakkk banget!
Anyway, sekarang gue tinggal mencari waktu buat baca :p karena kalau gue udah mulai bakal susah berenti :(

surprise

I had my surprise B'day present from my Mestre yesterday...
Didn't expect anything like that..
I had to play with everyone inside the circle at the end of the training
It was hard because the training was hard and I was already tired..
And the result is that today I have pain on my legs :(
But it was really nice... ;) They even sang a B'day song (in swedish, of course) with capoeira music while I played :p so nice... :)

And today, I received a package from home
Inside, I found an engagement ring :p hehehe... not really an engagement ring, but it sure looks like one :) At least that's what my friends told me.
My brother chose that ring for me in his attempt to fulfill my mother request
I wonder if they bought 2 rings and gave the other one to my "fiancé" :p hehehe....
Yeah, only in my dream (or theirs) they'll be able to do that :p



Strange thing is that it fits on my ring finger... FYI, I have tiny fingers, so it's not that easy to find a ring that fits ;)














[pic: Ayumi, my fingers and the Ring :p]
bukan iklan bank mega loh.. :p

ikan bakar...

hari ini gue makan MIE AYAM!!!!
senangnya...!!!!
biarpun gue masih pengin siomay, pempek (Alex, I hold you responsible for this!!), gudeg, pecel lele, masakan padang depan kompleks gue (hiksss... pathetic banget...), de el el, tapi gue dapat perfect ending untuk hari ini.... IKan BAkar pake kecap pedes :D nyam nyam...
gue ngomongin makanan mulu yaaaa... :p maap...
but today was one of the best days for food theme ;)
makasih ya kak Ida!!!

you again!!!

it doesn't seem like I know you now
something changed...
I've tried to understand what it is
but I got lost...
what is appeared may not be what is inside
then tell me what's inside...
because all I see is nothing
and nothing is something that I don't want to be holding on to...

I still see it... your fainted smile... the shattered blood...
The frailness when you stand...
You have been worse... yet it's not the same...
Only flickering light in your eyes... when before they're always filled with it...
But somehow I know you'd be fine in the end...
With the same strength that kept you rigid right now...
Slowly but sure... you will emerge...

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've been there before
Something is changing inside you
And don't you know

Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had

~Don't Cry - Guns n Roses~

I see cloud in your eyes
Aching heart upon your shadow
Weakness that you've tried to hide
Trying to be strong all the time
While inside you know you're so vulnerable
Proved by many cracks and wounds, visible only to my eyes
So why did you do it?? Falling again??
When you know you'll be breaking to pieces once again
Why aren't you careful...
You said that you won't feel alive until you feel your blood shatters
How many times should it be shattered for you to feel alive?
...
Hope next time when I see you smile, it will be without the taste of your blood

17 hari lagi

fuiihh... hari ketiga ambil data, berarti cuma tinggal 17 hari lagi nih!! (read: optimistic :p) exclude weekend loh!!
sejauh ini masih aman, belum diganggu preman di jalan :p hehehe.. di sini mana ada preman, yg ada gue dikira preman kali... :p ga deng!!! soalnya lokasi studi gue di pusat kota, jadi jarang ada preman... biarpun di sini negaranya relatif aman, tapi kalau agak ke pinggir2 dikit dari pusat kota tetap aja harus hati2.

hari ini ada sms dari nyokap gue, katanya gue dapat panggilan kerja!! hueee... mana gue inget pernah ngirim lamaran ke situ, udah jaman kapan tau... :p kenapa ga dulu2 pas gue lagi nganggur and di rumah ya dapat panggilan itu ;)

But life doesn't turn out the way you want it to be... it turns out to be BETTER!!!

*lagi puter iTunes, ternyata lagunya Peter Pan "mungkin nanti" yg berbunyi.. hemmm.. jadi inget... ;) *

hari pertama...

ngambil data buat thesis gue
ngga 24-7 sihh... tapi 3 kali sehari, each time for 2 hours, pagi-siang-sore
bengong di pinggir jalan :p mau balik kampus waktunya nanggung, akhirnya gue stuck di stasiun pemantau data polusi punyanya local EPA di sini. Di dalam ruang itu ada alat yg bunyinya berisik banget... di ruangan yg ukurannya cuma 3x3 itu... bikin telinga gue 'nging'... wah, jangan2 gue ntar berkurang pendengaran nih! :p jangan sampe deh..
mirip2 jaman gue kerja dulu pas survey di konsultan transportasi, bedanya sekarang gue ngga ngitungin mobil dan gue ga dibayar :D hehe..
mana hari ini cuaca mendung dan berangin banget.. FYI, di sini anginnya dingin bo!! tapi biarpun mendung ternyata mataharinya ganas juga, tangan gue jadi belang gini... gawat bener yaa..
terus habis itu pulang sampe rumah malem karena jadwal wajib setor muka dulu, dan sekarang gue cape banget...

YA AMPUN... complain mulu sih gue!!! tolong deh.. mau cepat kelar ngga kuliahnya?? :p ayo semangat!! ;)

you!!

I had a dream about you again
two days in a row... konstigt!!
where are you??!!
I guess it's fading away...

midsummer day

just came back from celebrating midsummer day
typical swedish celebration, they raise the midsummer pole and dance around it in a circle ;)
we also had dinner at Jenny's place with typical swedish food :) yummy...
and then took a walk to Hörsicka (one of the lakes that we had to observe during first quarter of my programme in school), dipped my legs in the cold water (really nice!!) and observed the ducks :p
today was really nice... and with a really good weather... never imagine that I can get so much sun here in Sweden :p

some pics from today's activities:













[see the crowd on the right??]
pic: Jenny, me and Alex

















[midsummer pole]
















[enjoying the sun]















[dipping feet in the lake]















[ducks]

sedang malas sekali mengisi blog...
hari ini mau renang tapi ngga jadi gara2 miskom :((

tolong yaa

bodoh banget gue...
selama ini gue berpikir setting-an di blogger berubah dan gue kehilangan shortcut untuk mewarnai tulisan gue :p ternyata... akhir2 ini gue pake edit HTML. ckk...ckk.. terang aja shortcut-nya pada ilang semua. sok jago sih gue :p ngerti HTML juga ngga :) hehe..

jadi sekarang gue bisa lagi pake warna warni dan pilih font besar atau kecil :p senangnya....

kemarin gue pindahan.. pindah ke student house dekat kampus :) tinggal jalan kaki 5 menit
berakibat buruk pada jadwal bangun pagi gue :p karena dekat kampus jadi tadi pagi gue cuma matiin weker dan baru bangun lagi jam 9 :D hehe...

between thesis and moving out

moving out.. on thursday this week.. moving out completely from my old room in this nice house to my new room in a student house near the school.. but I already moved some of my stuff today, and it was terrible.. I just realize something, I have too many things :( Even the bus driver laugh at us (I was with Chris, my room-mate), because we're the only passenger in his bus that had taken it twice already this early morning, went back and forth with huge bags in our hands :p I think I broke quite a lot of my muscles today... :p

thesis.. need to plan my measuring strategy, a.s.a.p., meaning I should finish it tonight :( gimana cara yaa??!! :-/ kebanyakan acara sih gue... manajemen waktu yang buruk... dan tenaga yang cuma sisa-sisa :p ayo semangat!! ;)

another busy day

back from stockholm last night!
got home at 01h00 on foot, checked email, went to sleep
went to school early morning today, had a meeting with my thesis supervisor, did some arrangement of student place at the intenational office, went to water my aunt's flower at her apartment, felt sleepy all day
got back home again at 18.00, slept until 10.24 (when Pipit called :p *thanks Pit!!*)
had just two sandwiches for dinner... [already too late to cook :p]
now, i need to read instruments manual for tomorrow :(
yep... i'm starting my thesis (should've started today if i wasn't too sleepy :p)
wish me luck!! ;)

weather report

Göteborg: cloudy all day.. no sun.. small rain..
so this is what they called SUMMER!! :p
hope it won't stay like this all summer...

next destination: Stockholm
departure time: 050605, 08h00
occasion: last STINT trip
duration: 4 days
estimation of arrival back in Gtb: 090605, 00h30

*hoping for a clear blue sky*

kenapa dipilih tanggal segitu untuk acara jalan2 bareng STINT? karena tanggal 6 juni itu hari nasional-nya Swedia jadi mungkin di Stockholm nanti ada yg spesial.
Gue sempat mikir... hari nasional?? ooo... hari kemerdekaan kali ya... EH!! tapi Swedia ga pernah dijajah kan... :p berarti bukan donk.. jadi denger2, hari itu adalah hari bendera :) entah kenapa, gue juga ngga tau...

too much on my mind

like this one...

if you sad and think that the world has turned its back on you
wait and see.. maybe you have turned your back to the world. what have you give to the world that you can expect it to give something to you in return?

if you think that you are the most miserable person in the world
wait and see.. do you still have roof over your head, bed to sleep? then you're not! especially if you still have time to check up the internet ;)

if you think that everything never goes as your plan
wait and see.. don't you think it might be best to have it unplanned? it wont be a life without the element of 'the unknown' event and what may come your way, if I may say so :) the fun part is how to deal with that element... will you succeed on dealing with it? or just giving up without a fight? never ever give up without a fight. if you think you deserve it, fight for one!

if you think that no one cares
wait and see.. do you still have your family, friends, relatives, or even stranger in the bus that talks to you? do you still find someone who said "hi" and smile to you? or probably you dont allow people to care for you. ever think of that? just close yourself to everyone who tries to care? think about it before thinking that no one cares

if you think that you are alone
wait and see.. have you tried to look up at the sky, pay more attention to the world around? living forms are everywhere... so you're definitely not alone :)

if you think that happines and love come to you by itself
wait and see.. have you open your heart for them to come? they wont exist if you wont let them and take good care of them. and you ask how to open your heart? try to accept who you are and what you are and everything that comes your way. don't deny your bad day and take pity on yourself. there's always brighter side on those dark and grey situation. remember to SmiLe, not only fake smile on the face but smile from the heart. not that easy, but practise makes perfect ;)

i talk too much?? perhaps i do..
dont agree with me?? be my guest..
have other thoughts?? why not.. i may talk too much, complain too much, blubber too much, but i dont tell people to shut up (well, only for certain people who gets my special attention :p)
but for this kind of posting.. lets continue some other time ;)
jag behöver att sova nu :)

lovely day.. busy day..

wonderful weather... didnt need my jacket today! ;)

woke up, had breakfast, left the house..
had a meeting with my supervisor for the thesis (yipee!! I have a thesis :p)
went to some places to check for possible measurement location (most polluted one, of course)
met some friends for lunch (ada yg traktir!! ;) thanks a lot yaa!!)
visited another friend together (wrecked her place :p)
went to library and kemi building
played pool (i lost... should've played more :p)
went to my swedish course (fika!! last day of the course and we had cakes :p)
went home... tried not to eat anything since i ate A LOT today... but it didnt work :p hehe...
and now... i need some sleep :)