"My Last Breath"

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight


by Evanescence

Wish...

I wish you're not you...

With all the smile and laugh that I really like..
With your curiosities and questions that make me think about a lot of things..

I wish you're not you...

Who do things on purpose, just to hear me say my silly comments.. and then laugh when I do..
Who got me think about what I'm thinking now.. about life and love..

I wish you're not you...

With your thoughts that struck my mind.. like a thunder in the spring time..
Who makes me see things differently... in a good kind of way..

I wish you're not you...

Who now always come to my mind each time I need a good laugh..

Don't mean to be ungrateful.... but I wish you're not you...
I wish you're someone else.....

but some wishes don't come true because it's just what you've got to deal with now...

pagi ini... hujan...

gue lupa gulung celana jeans waktu turun dari mobil dan jalan ke kantor.. jadi basah deh stengah betis... ga kering2 pula nih... :(
gpp sih.. krn gue suka ujan dan hari ini hujan ga berenti2 sejak pagi... :) senangnyaaaa....
lebih enak lagi kalau hari ini gue ga ada di kantor :p tapi sekarang gue lagi di meja gue di kantor, berkutat dengan blog (eh kerjaan juga lah :p ) plus gue lupa ga bawa jaket.. jadi AC di kantor berasa dingin banget!!! :D

udah lama ga nge-blog.. sedikit lupa cara yg baik utk nge-blog ;)

berharap gue di rumah ni... ada coklat panas... dan buku2 gue yg belum sempat gue baca gara2 pulang malem mulu... plus.. ada biola gue yg baru ;) huehehehe... yup! gue sekarang lagi mencoba belajar biola... artinya mencoba belajar sabar... :p soalnya susah!!! and not to mention costly :)
I wish I'm at home...

met taun baru...

semoga dunia semakin indah untuk semua orang... ;)

end of year means...

deadline for projects...!!!

why does it have to be like that??? pheww...

spare time

Pheeww... almost forgot about this blog.. :p
just a few days ago I talked to a friend and at different occasion to my cousin...
we had the same subject of conversation... TIME...
in a very similar opinion... that when we were still in college or university, we seems to have the whole time in the world... doing loads of things and yet we still have a good rest... time was unlimited... but money was not... ;)
in the contrary, after we're working now... we seem to lost a lot of times... we come home from work and we just too tired to do other things except being lazy in front of the TV and then fall asleep... :p but then, we have no problem with money...
it was so funny when we talked about that.. remembering the old times when we really don't have money even for food :p
you really can't have it all... :)
although I had the experience of having both pleasure in a short time when I studied in Sweden :p hehe...
Got a scholarship which means that I don't need to worry about cash..
Had a lot of time as well beside studying..
miss those days..... a lot!!!
:)

conversation by sms

-----------
Sep 24, 2007 16:31:25
jam brp bu flightnya? mw dines apa jln2? smp bli buku dl, 2 biji pula..
udh, byasa aja ko! tetep inget lo, tp bkn gara2 org tu...

Sep 24, 2007 16:35:03
Ga se-ngeselin g ya? huehehe.. Nanti flight j5.15. Tetep inget g krn apa jdnya? :p maksa ya g?! hehe..

Sep 24, 2007 16:38:38
mgkn.. atau bs jd blm.. hehe.. ya akhir2 ini emg lg inget aja.. :p

Sep 24, 2007 16:39:16
:p tiati, ntar addicted loh!! :p

Sep 24, 2007 16:40:30
ya gpp kan.. slama ga bertepuk sblh tgn..
-------------------

no further explanation.. SOooo unclear.. :p

uncertainty is part of life, somehow...
what will you get if you have everything certain... secure...?
people always think that being secure and certain is what they're looking for...
but in real life... people also committed suicide because they're bored with the security and certainty... (I've lived in a country as such.red)

so what is it that people are looking for??
If I may say..
it's not certainty... nor security...
but peace in the heart that melt all the uncertainty...
it's not certainty... nor security...
but peace in mind that conquer all the insecurity...



Thanks for being so unclear... :p we'll see how it goes... ;)

ga penting...

kayaknya akhir2 ini blog gue isinya ga pentiiiinggg....!!!
berasa terlalu melow :p hehe..

bahkan ga sempat ng-update posting yg ini....
payah deh....!!!

so, mari kita coba dgn berita bergaya lain...

Great News!!
my cousin is going to get married at the end of this month...
my cousin whom I love the most :) not that I don't love the others, but we seems to have a bound since we're just babies :)
So, he will get married and I don't have a clue of the bride... :'(
a bit sad at the sudden news, felt like I've been left out of this one...
but we're grown up... and grown up keeps secret sometimes :)
so, I'm happy for him... hope she is the one for him... and that they'll be happy forever...

Usual News...
just break another heart with my stupidity of being kind but insensitive
another lesson learned, that men are really from mars and women are from venus
My grandma told me that I should NOT reject more than 7 proposal...
counting since junior high??? then I'm doomed!!! :p

Health News...
it's been my usual sickness since junior high... stomach ulcer..
last week was worst... but this week should be better...
so, no worry for now...

Gossip News...
a rumor said that one my (best?) friend didn't get married because her fiance just disappeared couple of weeks before the wedding...
so not true... fact is, she broke up with him for another guy who turns out to be a maniac.. :)

Language News...
start to learn Spanish since 2 weeks ago... :)
still try to remembering all the French grammar... :( difficult if you have no time to practice outside the class..

Pets News...
love my dogs still...!!!!

Friends News...
Either they have babies or they're having ones... :)
My turn will come up eventually :p

Work News...
anyone can give me better offer related to environmental work?? ;)


I guess that's it... waste of my time in the office... ;)

birthday animals....

July 27 - 31 ~ Parasite

If you are a Parasite :
An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

Anyone agree with that?? :)


*boring at the office with many things to do and very little mood (read: it's almost weekend boss!!!)*

back to reality

A week has passed
And I seem to be fine...
So was it for real?? Or was I just dreaming?
Was the feeling really exist?? Or was it just there with no intention to stay??
Did I really care about you?? Or was it just because you care so much of me??

Complicated.... should've never be an option.....

So back to reality... and to simplicity... is the best thing I should do...

flu

19 - ga bisa tidur semaleman, padahal badan gue udah berasa ga enak (which means that I should've rested)

20 - berangkat dgn modal tidur sejam, seemed fine at first, sampe kantor baru mulai terasa sakit kepala, terpaksa pulang setengah hari (bo! kerjaan gue banyak padahal.. :'( ), sampe rumah langsung tewas...

21 - masuk kantor, datang pagi... pulang terpaksa lebih malam dari jadwal rutin gara2 ada dinner (since we had our CEO from the other side of the world that day), sampe rumah cuma sempat tidur ±3 jam karena....

22 - jam 4 musti udah bangun, siap2 ke 4 Seasons gara2 ada acara kantor di sana (though I think I looked good this day, skirt for the day?? definitely unusual for me :p ), siang balik ke kantor.. ngejar deadline... demam naik turun... pulang ga terlalu malem, tapi stay up late to work on a presentation which should be done this morning (23/08) BUT was cancelled since we (my team at work) have to work on our reports for the deadline...

23 - hari ini... masih flu.. batuk makin parah.. tapi udah ga panas kooooq :p dan yg pasti... DEADLINE!!!! :'(

so it does.... or does not...

smile faded away on my face...
by the words that you said, I know yours is fading too...
my knees are getting weaker... thank God I'm not standing by you...
for those words will not come out... as I see the pain flickering in your eyes...
.
..
...
....
I guess it's best... for you and I...
for I'm still not sure about my heart
the pain is there of letting you go
but keeping you waiting will hurt me more
we'll see if our path will cross again
where I shall be sure... of you and I...
and I will be strong... for the two of us...


thank u for being honest and being you...

c'est quoi?

warm feeling on my chest when the word emerges...
smile is growing by the presence...
urge, to always see and stay beside...
with no words, just silence... the radiance still exist...

don't know why... don't know how...
such feeling happens...

don't know what...
don't know when...
it's just there unexpectedly...

...
....
.....
....
...

period of games is over..
thus verification is needed..
time will have to spent on it...
just to be sure that this is it..

...
....
.....
....
...

smile faded away on my face...
by the words that you said, I know yours is fading too...
knees too weak to hold this body straight...
even small fraction of water appear in the eyes...
for unknown reason...
for needing time to be sure...
...........
.......
....
..

I'll wait for time to tell that it's really true....

journey

-will be uploaded soon-

Leo

"There is a lot of flirtatious energy around you -- romance is definitely favored."

Do you believe horoscope??
I don't ....
:p

me and my energy

too many things to do...
with so much energy that I have... or so I thought..
gonna drop soon if I don't keep it steady.. :'(

June...

left without a trace or footnote...
........
.....
...
.
...
.....
........
busy month...

the old me...

I was then not like what I am today...

Just 2 days ago, one person made me realize it... not intentionally... but he did...
by the way he is... the way he smiles... the way he sees problems... the way he laughs at me... the simplicity that goes along with the complexity...
I was like him a few years ago... and I miss the old me... :'(

Life has its problems and obstacles that change people...
I didn't believe it then... but now I do...

So now, step by step... I'll try to be me again...
"Me" that I like ;-)


Thanks Adam!!!! ;-)
for the reminder...

D'cinnamons

Never thought it was from Indonesia...
Sound a bit like the Cranbberies... and basically... my kind of musics...
So, I love it!!!

Loving you (by D'cinnamons)

.....

loving you is hurt some times
i am standing here
you just dont buy
i am always there
you just dont feel
you just dont wanna feel
dont wanna heard that word
it doesnt mean i givin up
i wanna give you
more and more and more

.....

appetite for destruction

health destruction... and eventually... pocket destruction... ;)

a bit confusing?
well, for start... I've been eating a lot... and I mean A LOT... since around 2 weeks ago...

2 weeks ago I went to visit my grandmothers and that's when I started to eat double of my regular Indonesia portion (since my portion in Sweden is double than what I have at home... :p so it's Indonesian portion and Swedish portion for me)
Anyway, at first I thought it was because my cousin had promised me that he will take me out on a culinary journey everyday while I was there...
I was there for a week... and after that... the appetite continues...!!

So then, the destruction starts slowly...

More food... less exercise... (I get home a bit late nowadays so I didn't feel like jogging or doing other exercise... sleeping is still the top option on the list.. :p)
Meaning... getting bigger.. (read: fatter - although you might not notice it ;) )
I don't mind about the "bigger", but I do mind that if it continues then I have to start renewing my closet (meaning: new clothes!!!) 'coz they won't fit me anymore...
New clothes... more expenses...
And guess where it will lead you...

Pocket destruction...!! ;)