does being sleepy can also cause the numb?

my cappucinno on my messy desk..

my heart

just numbed...
no clear reason...
it's numb...

all the scars and the sore..
all the pieces that were glued back..

maybe it's just too tired... for now...

Prays

"God gives what you need in life and not what you want"

All of my life, I always get what I want... (well.. it's true.. :p )
I'm not the kind of person who likes to chase hard on what she want.. never do that..
And I don't think I'm the kind of person who ask a lot of things... (was not before, but I might ask more things lately :p )
But I do always get what I want eventually...

I wanted to continue my study.. and there I was in Sweden..
I wanted to travel free of cost.. and I was in Europe, got a chance to take picture in front of Petronas tower, stepped on five big islands in Indonesia.. everywhere and no money was spent.. I even get paid for it :)
I wanted to drive my own car to the speed limit.. and I have Cuplis for now..
I wanted to meet people from different countries... and I have friends from all over the world..


All of that are just examples.. and those are things that I acknowledge after a very long time, years difference between wanting and getting it... Only seen when I look back through the path of my life.. All comes at the time when I need it or you can say deserve it...
And I'm grateful for what I have...(and for what I don't have.. :p)
--although lately I feel like I'm not that grateful, feels like I'm wanting what other people have.. :( which shouldn't be like that... Thanks to the reminder from Anonymous' comment!!!

But just today..
I'm shown that I can get what I want... when I need it... and if I wish it hard (read: pray)

This morning I asked God for not giving me any chance to meet a person in any kind of way possible since I won't be able to refuse any meeting if he asks for one (I'm just being to weak to say no). and I practically begged for it... (we should, don't we??)
I asked him to give me reasons so I won't be able to meet that person.. reason that doesn't come from myself since I've already have so many plan today in which in all of that tight schedule, I still have some chances to meet that person, and he will take that chances with all his might..

First reason I got was a call from my best friend, asking what I'm going to do after work.. and she doesn't sound good at all.. So I promise to cut one of my schedule short and meet her afterwards... (she said we'll see though, since she's not really in her usual calm, which actually worries me)

Then I went to a meeting and had lunch with some friends from college at FX
When I got back at the office, another reason was there...

Second reason was from the person himself.. :) He said he might not have the chance to meet me today since he has to take care of some matters at home...

....
....
....
....
....

I asked for a reason... and He gives me (at least) two... (since the day is not over yet)
I actually really want to meet the person and was kind of hoping that I will have no other choice than to meet him today.... (although I was begging for not meeting him... but you know how it is when you want something that you know you shouldn't want)
Well, He knows better of my need.. :) He knows that I need not to meet him...

It's why my Yahoo Messenger status that I put on this morning is right after all
"Friday I'm in Love"
some people asked about it.. and now I know that I really am in Love...
.....with my life.....
:p hehehe.. narcissism?? a positive one if I may say so... :)

Have a good weekend everyone!! and Enjoy Life...!!
Live for the present and not for the past..
Care about this moment and worry not about tomorrow ;)

morning public transport....

My car is on its way to Solo with my cousin driving it right now...
We had a sad news yesterday saying that my grandma's brother passed away, so we need to get there a.s.a.p. It's a long weekend this week and public transport tickets for the whole family are out of questions.. So two cars are going to Solo...
I couldn't go with them because I have a whole staff meeting today, but I plan to leave after the meeting. Luckily, my dad got me a ticket for this afternoon's flight but with a very expensive price though... (however, it's still quite reasonable amount for emergency situation...)
Anyway, so I'm going there as well today....but without my car!!
I should've been the one who's driving it long way... I want to drive 600 km with it :'(
Well, maybe it's for the best... :)

Anyway, with no car at home, I asked Ira, one of my ganks who still lives in the same housing area with me, if I can come along half way to the office, since our offices are on different region. So she dropped me off at Blok M...
It was the nearest junction she can stop, so I practically had to walk a few hundreds meter to the bus terminal. Then I realize, I miss my morning walk that I usually take when I didn't have my car... :'(

There are 2 choices to take, busway or regular bus.
I took the regular bus since it was quite empty :) maybe since it's still 7 AM in the morning...
I sat near the entrance, my favourite seat on any public transport since I can feel the wind breeze there :p and also if the bus is quite full, I can still get some fresh air there (you know how Indonesian buses are when they're full).
But the bus wasn't so full... and the road wasn't jammed yet... and the wind breeze was still fresh... and I love it!!
As the bus passes the familiar road, I did my usual habit of watching people on the sidewalk...
And again... I miss that!! I never had a chance to do it when I'm driving my car... too busy watching the road and the car in front of me... :'(

So today I learn... that there are lots of things that I miss...
taking the bus...
my morning walk from the bus stop to the office...
watching people on the street heading for work...
seeing people who actually is working on the street...

I should give Cuplis* a break once in a while and take a bus instead...


*Cuplis, that's how I call my car :p

Don't Bother...

by Shakira

She's got the kind of look that defies gravity
She's the greatest cook
And she's fat free

She's been to private school
And she speaks perfect French
She's got the perfect friends
Oh isn't she cool

She practices Tai Chi
She'd never lose her nerve
She's more than you deserve
She's just far better than me

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

And don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

I'm sure she doesn't know
How to touch you like I would
I beat her at that one good
Don't you think so?

She's almost 6 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

Don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry


*nice... :)

still tired...

of living a lie...
for something that I don't have...
and something that's not mine...
which is everything to me for now....
.....
...
.

system status:

- heart disfunction
- hardware failure
- programs're not responding
- software needs to be reinstalled
...
Restarting is recommended...

wrong day

To use high heels... :p

Try being pretty once a year on your birthday... And guess what?
The building management decided to have a fire drill TODAY!!!! :'(
My office is on the 17th floor...
High heels and 17 floors of stairs?? Not a good combination.. *sigh*
Just hope I can still feel my legs tomorrow...

by the way...

today is my birthday!!! :p
well.. not until tonight actually... since I was born at night...

white rose

No one ever send me flowers before... :p (read: really send it by courier)
One red rose yes, a bunch of red roses yes, but they were all not sent :) it's hand to hand...
but this one....


It's just there on my desk this morning... :p

Thanks Black!!! ;)
It's nice of you to do that...

dream list

(Doesn't necessarily mean that I need it though :p )

- vacation - to Bali or elsewhere.. (postponed for lack of time)

- black rubber for my car
- iPod shuffle 2GB (not really needed actually since I've my radio in the car :p )
- mobile device, dual ON for GSM n CDMA
- notebook, weight less than 2 kg, windows vista, 10" LCD at least
- CANON lenses for my camera :p
- humid-proof box for my gadgets
- waterproof watch

Hmmm... What else... :p
I guess it's already a lot and I need to start saving NOW!!! :D

Tentang Diriku

by: Kahitna

Semalam aku bermimpi
Bertemu dengan dirinya
Ingin rasa tuk mengulang
Hangatnya cinta tadi malam

Sudah taukah dia tentang diriku
Yang tak mungkin mencinta disaat tak tepat lagi
Yang kuragukan dia akan bertahan
Bila tau diriku yang tak mungkin memiliki

Oh beginikah rasanya
Tak boleh lagi jatuh cinta
Tapi mengapa dirinya seolah memberi harapan

Jujur saja aku
Tak pernah rela melepas cintanya

For your eyes only... ;)

tuesday's work

Starts with...
"Your computer is unable to start..."

Thank God it's only for 15 min idle time... Pheewww...

bulan

Vra... Bulan sabit ni pagi2!! ;)
Padahal smlm berawan... :)

still sleepy...
coffee... cappucinno... *dreaming in a meeting*

good intention

Here's how I start this week...this day...
...With good deed...

Let's see,
I woke up early today so I can go to the office earlier than usual. Why? Because it's a week minus of the start of our team's probation period. In attempt of showing that we want to make this team work, so why not start this week with "I love monday".
And so I left home 45 minutes earlier than I usually do..taking the usual route of course.. (Home_Tekno park_Latinos_tol road BSD-Fatmawati_Antasari_)
Smooth at first, then there's an unusual traffic jam after Tekno park's gate :( the street is not being repaired, so the jam is quite strange...
I asked a truck driver coming from the other direction and he said there's an accident in which the truck fell side way ('terguling bhs inggrisnya apa ya?? :p') and suggested that I turn around since it'll take forever..
And so I did...
Told my brother about this as well since he has just left his house (see how I tried to start the day as good as I can? I usually left home much later than he does...)
So here I am (or should I say 'we are' since my brother's car is just right behind me), taking the route through Serpong market (jam near the market as usual, but still there's hope..) to reach the tol road...

We'll see how the rest of my day will go...


(Blogging while driving is suggested if u're in a traffic jam :p hehe...)

black rubber

I want that black thing on my car...!!! :p
Anyone knows where to get it? *lack of knowledge in car accessories shops*
(photo's taken at Gunawarman street)

just tired....

Enough of all the lies....!
Please just let me be...

start a day

(Sans toi)

Almost fainted at the gym this morning...
Ran for 15 min, did 3 sets of triseps and 1.5 sets of biseps... And I went yellow.. :p so I stopped... Had a hot tea and a cookie :)
Last time was in Lampung when I did a site visit on a project, but it was sooooo hot that day and I couldn't stand the heat :( but today? With air conditioner around... I should be just fine..

So why?!
- Low blood pressure?
- Lack of sleep?
- Too much caffeines?
- Work pressure?
- Too much on my mind?
- No breakfast? (I always exercise without one though.. A glass of milk is usually enough..)

Dunno... :'(

Well, it's better now and I'm on the way to a meeting..

(Blogging while driving is not recommended :p )

cappucinno

I think I'm getting addicted to this drink...
















It started a month ago... 10h00 in the morning...
and it continues until now... (have a cup of cappucinno sitting right next to me here.. :p)
every morning... and sometimes in the afternoon, when I really really really feel sleepy...

Shoot!! I shouldn't be like this...!! feeling sleepy everyday...

thought I've slept well...
I exercise well (go to the gym quite regularly now...)
eat well... drink well... (hahaha... no, I don't drink... well, unless there's an official occasion like the one at the house of Swedish Ambassador last time :p honestly, drinking in Indonesia is not fun... it's a hot country and you're drinking something that makes you even hotter? doesn't make sense... :p )

what else...
I drive well... (with speed, for sure...)
work well... (think my boss might protest on this one since I think I'm not doing too well lately... maybe I need some vacations... but with all the projects, I'm lucky to have the weekend for myself --which I'm forcing to always have it, of course --)

so it should be enough... sleep... eat... drink... work...
maybe lack of fun?? :D hehehe... not really...
I have had more fun in the last weeks than I had last month...

am I getting bored with the job??
well... no... I don't think so...
if I'm bored, I usually won't get up for work at all... :D (bad habbit... but good to know, so if the sign comes out, I know that I should start looking for new job :p)

my cousin said that I'm just too tired... (she said that she's tired just by watching me doing my activites.. :p ) really?? hehehe... dunno...

anyhow... I'm kind of enjoying to have cappucinno each morning ;)