spring

leaves are coming out of tree branches
not long, there will be green everywhere
at least that's what i hope for
the owner of the house that i lived in tell me that the wild flower are coming out in the forest
the forest is very near, just behind the house
i should go there..
but it doesnt seem that i have the time.. nor the company.. yet..

my wind breeze

my door was always closed
i dont like to let people in
until one day, a knock on the door
who's that? no one there..
just a breeze of wind that go in
i let it in, it's just a wind, so what?
it's harmless, and yet it give a comfort feeling
i like it...
my room starts to get more cozy with the wind
slowly the wind breeze occupy all the room
it's nice to have it around
until one time..
when it starts to circle around me
turn my heart warmer and weaker
doesnt seem to expect me of giving the same
just circle around me, me who's not able to break it
is that why it stays there?? because i dont dare to break it??
dont dare to open the windows and let it loose??
dont have the guts to break the circle??
afraid to loose the coziness it creates??
or am I just someone who know nothing about dealing with wind...

somehow..

confusion state of mind
which one to choose and which one to loose
which one will be the right one and which one will turn out to be just another mistake
i see no black and white, only shadow and mist
i see a total mesh infront of me and i have no idea how to avoid it
sooner or later i will drawn in it
and a simple heart will turn into something more complicated

what!!!

"hello.."
"hi, it's me"
"hi!! it's a good thing u call me. i want to tell u something"
"what is it?"
"About my sickness.. actually it's SLE.."
"WHAT??!!!!"
"I'm sorry I didnt tell you from the first time I knew"
"....."

(be brave and i'll keep praying for you...)

another floating voices

what's wrong with blogger?? kenapa style yg bagus2 jadi ilang semua gini sih!! ga seru..!!
anyway, interesting conversations keep on going around you.. floating on your mind from past, present and probably you have something from the future :p

"hey, i like your smile.. u should have it more often rather than the tongue :p "
"really?? thanks!! :) "

"she has everything. i dont understand why she keeps getting involve with a bastard guy"

"do all french guys have a beard ??" [non-france person]
"why? i think they are quite lazy all, so that s why we used to have a small beard" [france person]

"hey, i dont think i saw u go into the 'circle' tonight" (read: capoeira)
"yep, i'm so dissapoint with that.. i hurt my ankle while playing with my dog so i couldnt train for at least 1 year"
"oh no!!"
"yep.. it's bad.. i love it so much i just wanted to jump inside and play, but then i'll probably hurt my ankle for good and i wouldnt be able to play again forever"
"..."

jadwal padat

sibuk sibuk sibuk...
harusnya... mestinya... gue sibuk..
bikin paper... bikin laporan kelompok... belajar buat exam... (ngomong2 exam gue seminggu lagi nih!)
tapi kok gue masih sempat melihat indahnya dunia ya?? :p
masih sempat merasakan love vibration all around :)
bagus donk.. berarti dunia ngga kejam2 amat...
atau mungkin itu cuma di sekitar gue aja??
kalo iya berarti gue mesti bersyukur banget!! ;)

this is just something in my mind.. today...
have u ever noticed that if someone really care about you, you can feel it? just by standing right beside him (or her).. or exchange glances.. without doing nothing but silence..
sometimes i think it's really nice to know... and most of the times it's so scary because u can even feel how much it is. it's just like electric current running straight to your heart.
how would u feel, if u know someone care deeply for u and u can return it as much as that person does?? totally awful.. been there, done that... nice feeling to know that someone cares, but at the same time, it hurts to know you can't care as much as he (or she) does
(untuk seseorang, thanks for being one of my bestfriend, hope u're so well out there)

last night...

last night,
was one of the nicest moments I had with my friends
last night,
i found out that someone who looks though outside, may be very vulnerable inside
last night,
someone said she saw a beginning of a relationship
last night,
someone said, he hates girls!! but then he still couldn't live without one :p
last night,
my angel walk me home ;)

and today,
time to go back to reality...
deadline of everything!! :(

floating voices

kadang percakapan cuma sekedar obrolan, tapi kalau dilihat lagi, bisa jadi ada makna tersembunyi.. if u just let your heart to listen..

"why are u always criticise me? who are u anyway?"
"ok, i will stop doing that"
"no, you wont... you wont be able to do that"

"gilaaa... quarter ini gw full!!! i'm under pressure now"
"santai.. hidup jangan dibikin susah..."

"gue ngga nyangka loe bisa masak kayak ginian (cheesecake-red)"
"emang loe pikir gue ga bisa masak?"
"yep..."

"u know, i have a crisis, so i couldnt work well"
"everyone has a crisis, so ..."

"why you are at home?!"
"im too lazy to go out"
"ok...clear...but unexpected..."
"what did u expect??"
"that you are not that lazy..."

"why you're not in bed yet??"
"what about u?? u're not in bed either"
"what a bad manner to answer by question..."

cuaca hari ini...

mendung di göteborg
gerimis pula malam ini
deadline draft report hari ini
gue dijatuhkan juga malam ini (it's simple actually, i kicked, he lift, and i was down :p)
beberapa alasan yg bisa bikin bete...
tapi hari ini gue senang.. really really in a happy mood..
ga jelas juga sih alasannya :p
just happy for no reason.. i think it's ok ;) dont u think??

sometimes it feels so hard to grow up
like Peter Pan who never wants to grow up
but he has Neverland, what do I have??

baru

new months [april already?? :p]
new hair cut [i like this one so much... :p]
new sun [now is definitely spring!]
new virus in my throat [why now?!! :(]
new quarter at school [started before other programmes do :(]
new task in the class [it's going to be busy and confusing :p]
new pen drive [at last... :p]
and i'm pretty sure there will be new adventure :)

It was...

a nice weather in Oslo on wednesday!!!
so I was lucky... :)
I did a tour around the city... walking, of course... it's cheaper to walk
good for your wallet, but not so good for your feet :(
took some pictures of the palace, church, statues at Vigeland park, etc ...
this is just one of it: (from Vigeland)























nice pic isnt it?? :p want to see more?? check out my friendster :p hehe..
i'm just too lazy to put too many pics on my blog.. i've posted too many recently..
sorry... :(

norway

more than 12 hours in the bus (Gothenburg-Oslo-Trondheim), and finally I arrived in this city
the sun was shining bright on saturday, but sunday was cloudy and snowy, and today is cloudy and rainy
I was too tired on saturday, so I didnt do anything...
I tried the cross country ski yesterday, but it's not as fun as the other type of ski that i've tried in Dalarna (less adrenalin involve, not so fun for me :p)
but still, here's a pic when i was up at the mountain :p

[at Lian, Trondheim]

Site seeing is not really fun when you have cloud and even worse, rain. Especially because you almost can't see anything due to the fog. So, today's site seeing was just fine before the rain started at noon.
this is the pic of Trondheim's famous old bridge...



not so nice pic due to the weather :(















It's really a quite city here.. (and I thought Gtb was quite enough)
Maybe I will have better luck in Oslo on wednesday...


I miss my capoeira... :(

fight the tears...

Finally... I did my exam..
It was more and less okay..
I passed, with still unknown grade..
That's good considering the condition the night before

And we had a little celebration for that (me and my groupmate)
The four of us had a little dinner together
Special occassions are exam and Konstantin's birthday
It was great and fun...!!!
We talked for hours.. and I missed my last tram, had to walk home
but I was saved by an angel with a bicycle
I didn't have to walk, instead the angel fly me with the bike :p
(it has been a long time since I ride on a bicycle.. freak me out a bit..:p)

-------------------------------------------------------
News from back home.. Ririn is quite okay...
She's though!!! and brave...
Thanks for everyone who gave her support and pray :)

Wise words say:

you have to be able to let go off something that you love, because in the end you have to let everything go.

A part of my body is never occurred to me as something that I love because they all are just always there… but think again, and you’ll see that it is…

8^PM until 11^PM Indonesian time, March 16^th 2005
3 hours of surgery for Ririn went well. A surgery to save her leg but ironically had to set it free from her body… She’s still in the ICU now, but I really hope she’d be alright…
I wasn’t there at the hospital, just an sms from Mia letting me know that the surgery is over. The paramedics had the part of her leg wrapped in a fabric and her mother just held it tight. I couldn’t even imagine how sad it was …
I didn’t loose any part of my body and I wasn’t there when the surgery took place, but still, there’s a small creek running on my cheek…

1 day before exam

Books and papers scatter everywhere in my room
there are more books need to be read
but this one, I haven’t finished... not yet...

It’s cloudy outside... occasionally rain shower...
same weather I have inside my mind
for the reason that is not so reasonable

Just wish that I can concentrate on my reading
....

seberapa pantas kah kau untuk kutunggu
cukup indahkah dirimu untuk s'lalu kunantikan
mampu kah kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi burukku
mampu kah kita bertahan di saat kita jauh
(seberapa pantas - So7)

close to tears

I just got news from back home, my best friend condition is getting worst...
and her leg has to be amputated...!! :(( The worst thing that I could never imagine will happen to her...
they said that she will have the operation on Monday.
I want to be there with her.... but it's just too far away...
and I’m so useless here :((
I couldn't think.. couldn't study... couldn't do anything....
I hate this!!!

It just brings back my old memory of her...
I’ve known her since we were kids and she has always been a happy girl
chatty, cheerful and full of energy (I could never keep up with her when we shop together)
back then, we would never imagine something like this will happen to one of us (there are 8 of us)

it's just like a lightning strike...
it's true that we can never imagine what will happen to us... not now, not ever..!
So many proof around me... so many things that I didn't pay much attention before...
I should be grateful for everything that I have for I may not have it anymore later on...
just how can I do that?? have I been grateful enough for what I have??
have I been grateful that I’m healthy? have I been grateful that my family is alright? have I been grateful that I have my best friends?
Or did I just complaining all the time... complaining because it seems like an endless winter? complaining because I don’t have any boyfriend (yet)? complaining because I have so little time and too many things to do?
I don’t think I did that... at least consciously... and I hope that i would never be ungrateful of anything

So tonight, I will light 3 candles for Ririn...
Hope you will be ok... Hope I can come home this year...

look out your window....

sun is shining...
birds are singing...
a couple of squirrels is playing...
what can I say..??!
It's a Beautiful day!!! ;)

and spring is coming!!!!

happy or sad...

semudah membalik telapak tangan
one minute i was happy, the next minute i was sad....

hari ini gue baru aja balik dari weekend 4 hari yang sangat menyenangkan
dan pas gue sampe rumah, gue dapat berita kalo salah satu sahabat gue sakit parah... kondisinya mengkhawatirkan :( hiksss....
and i'm so far away from her!!! :(

Ririn... cepat sembuh yaaa....!!!!!!!!!!!